Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Aug 29, 2018
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
A Life
A life in the jungle
A life of hustle
A life full of bundles
Of spiralling wavering bubbles
A life of pressure
A life of painful pleasure
A life of no leisure
A life of sorrow that cannot be measured
A life full of desires
Of what to acquire
A life that aspires
With no clue as to when it will expire
A life of lust
In spite of the cost
A life of dust
If it comes to worst
A life that seeks gain
But instead gains pain
A life full of thoughts that are vain
Hoping that one day fortune will rain
A life of supposed grace
Looming in the empty space
With a motion in an uncertain pace
And with nothing to show but shame to the face
A life-a candle lit
Deteriorating bit by bit
A life devoid of wit
Dancing obediently in the bottomless pit
I hope things will change Before I do something strange
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Robert Tucker PhD
6 years 10 months ago
A Life
Very good! This poem describes the 99% of people who struggle to get ahead and are met head-on with barriers that drive them to the edge and thankfully sanity keeps us this side of the edge.
Robert Tucker PhD
bjucks
6 years 10 months ago
Consistency in your theme
Consistency in your theme made for a great read.
I think this poem speaks to people who are struggling with there purpose in life or choices they've made.