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Jun 01, 2025
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Life is a Fairy Tale
Once upon a time
is such a cliche
way to start,but
here we are.
The prince and
the princess had
a wee one and
named him for
the King.
The babe grew
to a toddler and
ran the halls,
echoing through
the castle walls.
The toddler grew
to a strapping man
who went off to
make his way.
As he grew, his
parents greyed and
slowed when strolling
the castle halls.
He relocated his family
back to the castle,
caring for the royals
as they had cared
for him.
It ended happily for all.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 weeks 2 days ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem attempts to explore the cyclical nature of life through the lens of a fairy tale structure, which is a thoughtful concept. However, the execution could benefit from deeper emotional engagement and more vivid imagery. Currently, the narrative unfolds in a straightforward manner, relying heavily on familiar tropes ("once upon a time," "castle walls," "royals"), without expanding or subverting them to offer fresh insight or emotional resonance.
To strengthen the poem, consider developing more specific and evocative imagery to create a stronger emotional connection with the reader. For instance, details about the castle, the prince's journey, or the aging process could be expanded to add depth and nuance. Additionally, the poem's rhythm and pacing are somewhat uniform, which flattens the emotional impact. Experimenting with varied sentence lengths or line breaks could help emphasize key moments and transitions in the narrative.
Lastly, the conclusion, while clear, could benefit from greater complexity or reflection. Consider exploring the emotional implications or internal experiences of the characters to provide readers with a more meaningful takeaway.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
3 weeks 2 days ago
Life is a Fairy Tale
Hello, Punky,
I like the direct language here, and the short lines that keep the story and time frame moving along. Very clever. I'm wishing there was one final line that wraps up everything nice and tight - some sort of "and they lived happily ever after" or "The End." (similar, but not exactly those suggestions.) After all, the poem starts with "Once upon a time..."
Thank you!
L
Punkyfrewster
3 weeks 1 day ago
Lavender,
Thank you for your compliments and suggestion. Let me know if the ending is more to your liking, now!
Lavender
3 weeks 1 day ago
Nice touch!
May I ask if this is a personal story for you and your family?
L
Punkyfrewster
3 weeks 1 day ago
Lavender,
Kinda sorta. My husband and I divorced, and I am not particularly aged. I have MS, and my daughter and her husband cared for me for a short time. It became obvious that it was too much for them. My tibia and fibula broke because of years of high-dose steroids. I had to go to a nursing home for rehab, but my MS had progressed too far for me to return to their home. We decided it was best for me to stay here. My daughter visits me weekly and brings my grandsons. My son-in-law also comes weekly, and we have a Bible study that we engage in. I am happy here, overall. I have several friends, and I even teach a writing class! Wow! That was probably a much longer answer than you expected or wanted.
Lavender
3 weeks 1 day ago
Hello, Punky,
I sensed the poem was a bit more personal, but had no idea of its depth.
I'm so sorry that you've been through so very much. Thank you for sharing your poetry, and your inspiring outlook.
Take care, Poetry Friend,
L
Punkyfrewster
3 weeks ago
Lavendar,
Thank you!