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Life finally tuned..
Life finally tuned..
There’s a space in my mouth where
a tooth used to be I can feel it with
the tip of my tongue.
There are sounds on my mind
where no sounds used to be
especially when I was young.
There’s a giant belly down there where
no belly ever was I can barely see
the end of my toes. There are things I do
now that I never did before like squirting
medicine up inside of my nose
I believe bulbs aren’t as bright anymore
goodness it’s hard to read my book in bed
So now what’s left for me is a hot water
bottle and the prospect of always being lead
With the limp on my leg when I walk,
the space in my tooth when I talk,
the feeling of constantly being in shock,
no wonder some days I get a fucking mental block.
No seriously
isn’t it a shame what nature does to the old,
and it does it, and your not even told.
You go from a giant who’s always quite bold,
to a shivering wreck of a midget that children scold.
Well getting back to this gap in my mouth
and the whistling sound when I speak
To my belly that’s keeps travelling south
and my legs that I hear constantly creak
It’s no wonder that I take a little drink
or maybe sometimes I start before it’s noon
It sure helps when you don’t feel or think
and when all of these parts make a tune.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
scribbler
13 years 6 months ago
lol
A virtual symphony of the squeaks of getting old............stan
Roscoe Lane
13 years 6 months ago
Thank you,
Thank you Stan, as they say old age doesn't come alone, but it can be fun as well. Regards Roscoe..
weirdelf
13 years 6 months ago
symphony is a good word for it,
there is music in this language. It's gorgeous read out loud.
there is a complex, irregular but definitely present meter here too.
Content wise I really like it too, deals with aging without sentimentality or denial.
My only real crit is what the fuck with the coy 'fu----g'?
If the character wouldn't say fucking he would say frigging or fecking or something. Please change that.
Roscoe Lane
13 years 6 months ago
Ok sorry,
Ok sorry i'll change it, no more cop outs. lol. Thank you for your comments and crit. Regards Roscoe