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Mar 08, 2025
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light
we can't live without light always depressing
Thats why cloudy days are always depressing
although we try to squeeze like sweetness out of each other's minds bodies souls
especially the eyes like an orange
and pull the light from our Television
our lamps we stare at like small suns
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider clarifying the central metaphor of "light" to strengthen thematic coherence. The repetition of "always depressing" in the first two lines may dilute the poem's impact; varying word choice or imagery could enhance reader engagement. The simile "squeeze like sweetness out of each other's minds bodies souls especially the eyes like an orange" is vivid but somewhat unclear—consider refining this imagery to more precisely convey the intended emotional or sensory experience. The final lines introduce an interesting comparison between artificial and natural sources of light; expanding on this contrast could deepen the poem's exploration of dependence on external stimuli. Attention to punctuation and capitalization consistency throughout would also improve readability and presentation.
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