Lines

I agree with remark. There is a very interesting theme concerning children, coloring books, the nature of perfection in life. My own feeling is try to avoid stating lines like "Optimistics think that everything is great" and then "they are wrong"..make us feel that through the imagery. Writing is hard work, even to to point of suffering to find the right lines that have complex meaning.

"Even if we end up in heaven, we will never know what it's like to be perfect." As a reader, I ask myself what does that mean? Is heaven only for the perfect? That is in itself the possible subject of a poem, or prose/poem.

So my take is to stay with the theme of the coloring book to explore and dig deeper into the nature perfection, the nature of youth and the unreachable expectations of parents and of the world
Looking forward to further drafts!

Hi and welcome to Neopoet.
I really like what you are saying, although in its current format it is prose rather than poetry.
I don't think it would be difficult to set this out in a more poetic form.
If you wanted to, try breaking it down into shorter, more definite lines (not ones you colour in ). Use the punctuation to help you. You might find edits spring naturally to mind as you're doing this. Play around with it, see what develops.
You may of course want to leave it exactly as it is, which is absolutely fine, but I think it merits a little reworking to turn it into a very good poem.
Cheers Jx

Also replaced every mis-spelling of optimistics with optimists. (it wasn't a word-play on optimystics, was it?)

The rest is content, and it is good.
"I feel there are no lines in the world." There are, you know, they're also known as rules and expectations. Yep, it gets hard when we colour outside or completely ignore the lines, it is a choice and the lines don't disappear.

Optimists colour within the lines, do what they are told, pretend to be happy, never rise beyond mediocrity and it astounds me more of them don't commit suicide. And they hate artists. Your poem is very insightful.

Artists show optimists the lines are arbitrary and un-necesary. That if we colour in between the lines the picture is still wrong.

The most important thing you said is
"The lines are not going to get finished."

Religious people like to think the lines are all there, carved in stone. They aren't- we make our own.

Welcome to Neopoet, this is fine work.

I see I was beaten to it in giving you a comment on this write.
Now you have written two pieces and have had a great reception from some of our best or learned poets.
You seem quite capable to sort this one out.
I will have a go at this piece and put it as a comment here now with the help you have been given can you also rewrite this piece to make it a poetic story.
We will then compare notes, more of a challenge though, to see how you manage to sort it out after the help the others have given you.
I will put mine in a comment tomorrow, so it will give you plenty of time to work on it.
Yours, Sparrow, Ian

I have just had a few moments with your write mine is not in that perfection but just a layout and change to show you another world.
Jess has given some great comments and the others are also very good so lets carry on writing.
Your thought process is quite capable of bringing out excellence in your later pieces..

Lines
Submitted by Hope21pilots on Wed, 2017-03-29 00:48
Don't means “Do Not” so be careful when using.

Don't you ever hear parents tell their children
Listen to the parents telling their children

why don't you try coloring IN the lines"?
Try colouring inside the lines.

I feel there are no lines in the world.
I feel the world doesn’t have lines

No one has a perfect life,
Our life is not perfect

so they don't have the lines
It has no lines just reason

to know when to stop coloring.
To know when to stop colouring

Artists show optimistics in this situation
Artist push the boundaries for a freedom
.
Optimistics think that everything is great.
Optimists think that everything is great

They think that we're all in the lines.
They think that we're all within the lines.

Thats because if we color in the lines
Because we colour inside our lines

the picture is perfect and we are our own picture
The picture we create is our own and perfect.

The optimistics are wrong.
The optimists are wrong.

Our picture's lines aren't going together right,
Our picture lines aren’t going together

so we can't finish our picture.
We are now unable to complete the picture

We won't ever know what it's like to be perfect.
Will we ever know what it’s like to be perfect.

Even if we end up in heaven,
If we should ever end up in Heaven

we will never know what it's like to be perfect.
To me we will never have know of perfection

The lines are not going to get finished.
My lines to me seem to never finish..

Just a change in layout and my interpretation of your words,
I hope this will show you another way of doing this I shall await your completed write tomorrow,
Yours, Ian..

here..

my wonderful mother chided my own daughter Chloe
for missing some of the linework on her crayon picture
my mother insisted on her coloring
My brothers adopted child four years elder
was praised
and my Chloe then five was put down
much like I was at the same age
Today she like I is a top notch artist
my mother died a horrible death of cancer
fighting to the end
'Think Pris scene from Blade Runner'
i opted out for that finality..

the joy is in expression...moving that little happy
arm and hand...putting in color
trying out the whole box or just a set few
actually....we old ones had doodle art
big thing in seventies
but its same thing as they got now
color in the big picture

I was and am an artist
I took a sharpie
and added shit to the outside
of the coloring pictures
monsters..or mysterious
pal to the sitting bunni or
fox or smiling object
slung a ak-47 about
their shoulder
or space ship with
drooling invaders behind
them....
aliens are purple to kids
it seems
i had a riot...kids enjoyed
the extra fun
and my friends were all
horrified
..
BANKES started somewhere

yes..indeed do not color
within the lines

thank U for this poem of
hope!

Mr W