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May 31, 2025
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The Lion
Send them to war
Watch them die
Kill each other
Mob their blood
Dust off their land
Full of treasure
Sweep out their ashes
Dig their gold
Grab their wealth
Pretend to care.
Wolves in sheep's clothes
A wave drowning ship
White bitter devil
Smile after massacre
Laugh as we grunt
Tender after death
We meditate
We're not blind
We sleep not die
We're cool but deadly
It takes just a push
Now your're a
slap on my cheek
awaken me from the depths
I condemn your welcome
Your stay is due
Your time is over
The Lion is on the stage
Our Africa, our cage
The Lion is awak.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: It's high time for Africa to stand up, this is a Continental call to end bad governments
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 weeks 6 days ago
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Geezer
3 weeks 6 days ago
It's been a while...
since I've seen you post.
I get where you are coming from, I think that your country is awakening,
it will go through more trying times, but with young men with the courage of the lion, and the stubbornness of the buffalo, wake up to the fact that the herd is more powerful than the jackals, they will rise up and drive them away. You have that courage, my friend, I see it in your writing. Very good stuff, just a couple of bobbles. Mob should be [mop],
and you are missing the [e] from awake. Your title is good, language use is better, and it purrs smoothly from beginning to end. ~ Geez.
kowque
3 weeks 6 days ago
My fave line
We sleep not die
Lavender
3 weeks 5 days ago
The Lion
Hello, Simon,
Many powerful lines, like much of your poetry. There is a rawness that generates the sense of "the time has come." I like the duality in the words, "Our Africa, our cage." Very brave, I hope it comes to fruition.
Thank you,
L