The Lion In The Cage (Positive Critique WS #1)

because I could relate to each and everywhere. I could see that dictator there and was very happy to

I read this as the helplessness of any group when a strong leader is removed. Last stanza is exceptional.............stan

Well many reads and interpretations here on your write.
Which is complex as we never know the outcome. Who rules???
But let's face it if it wasn't for the lion then the sheep would bleat themselves to death in lethargy, and would probably end up with the whole humon race walking off the cliffs, after the lemming's have finished.
Yours Ian.T

but, technically, isn't fully extended metaphor actually allegory?

i think it is more allegory than extended metaphor

i love the piece however
it brought saddam hussein and his sons to my mind

if you wanted it to specifically refer it to egypt, perhaps add a small allusion to the sphinx or the pyramids?

- 'where the lion wears a human head
he wakes up in his cage' ??
or
‘where he sat at the top
of the pyramid of power’

love judy
xxx

Now for a detailed critique. I think leaving it without a reference to middle east would be best as that leaves it having a more universal meaning. In line 2 you might try : and sits up in his cage to better reflect the rhythm in line 4. I like the way that leaving lines 1 and 3 unrhyming adds to subtlety. Line 6..You could try they'll never let him out if you want to convey that he'll be caged from now on. line 9 ..If it were me I'd begin line with "for".

But this poem lends itself well to a reader's ability to interpret it a number of different ways and that's always a good thing..............stan

This feels like Mahler's 1st Symphony to me with the woodland animals carrying the dead hunter back to his home at the end. While I wonder why the lion lost his voice it makes me think how narrow are the interstices between the oppressors and the oppressed. William, I suppose it doesn't matter but if you have an idea, why did the lion lose its' roar?

Ron