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The Lion Wages Love On The Virgin
Anyone doubting that life follows death
Contemplate our rising star
That there is a plan in heaven
For the chaste and the desirous
Tell them i followed my beloved
From pleasure to pleasure
Until drowning in the sea of love
2
That we neither followed the laws
Of society only our hearts
Why otherwise we're we blessed
With the tastes for rich and bitter wines
A cup deep within us for euphoria
The most estranging of sufferings
The well that beggars drink of
To meet Madjnun on the living highway:
"You are a true human being
My beloved friend
And you shall find contentment"
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "The Lion Wages Love On The Virgin" explores themes of life, death, love, desire, societal norms, and contentment. The imagery of following one's beloved from pleasure to pleasure and drowning in the sea of love is vivid and evocative. The contrast between following societal laws and following one's heart, as well as the mention of rich and bitter wines, adds depth to the exploration of human experience. The reference to meeting Madjnun on the living highway and finding contentment suggests a spiritual or transcendent journey.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider refining the structure and flow of the poem. The transition between different ideas and images could be made smoother to enhance the overall coherence of the piece. Additionally, revisiting the use of punctuation and line breaks could help guide the reader through the poem more effectively.
Overall, the poem presents thought-provoking themes and imagery, and with some adjustments to structure and flow, it has the potential to further engage and resonate
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
3 months ago
Dearest John,
I really liked these lines:
The well that beggars drink of
To meet Madnjnu on the living highway:
"You are a true human being
My beloved friend
And you shall find contentment"
I am unsure of who or what (Madnjnu) is?
I always enjoy and admire your work! love, Cat
Dalton
3 months ago
Dearest Cat sorry for late response
Majnun refers to the archetypal persian lover's Qays ibn al-Mullawah and Layla al-Aamiriya they were young lovers though their feelings never consummated into the physical world. Due to composing beautiful letters in her name referring to her directly their marriage was not permitted by the families. Majnun an epithet for madman as he lost his wits and sort refuge into the wilderness the wild beasts being his only companions he still continued to compose his letters to the naked air. Need be mentioned they were cousins and both poet's in their own rights. Majnun meaning madman Layla the arabic word for night hence the night which consumes utterly. Their story has fallen I to legend but it's my contention they actually lived and are historical characters. Layla was wedded off from her native persia to babylon to a man named Ward whose name means handsome. Though I like to think she was loyal to both lover and husband finding g a way through astral projection to commune with Qays/Majnun to share love and conquer separation.
Love John xxx
Dalton
3 months ago
Dearest Cat
Hope my summation made sense and increased your enjoyment of my poem really I live for other people's thoughts on my stuff
Candlewitch
3 months ago
Dearest John,
Yes, you have helped me see the color and deeper insights of this piece with your explanation. Thank you for taking the time to do this.
much love, Cat