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Feb 18, 2022
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A Little Bit
Wanting to move on,
But don’t want to forget.
Need to loosen the grip,
But if I do,
Will it be too loose,
That you’ll slip away?
I shall make a little box,
And fill it full of you,
I’ll tie it tightly shut,
And put it away,
For just a little bit.
And though I love you so,
I need to move on,
Because I need to make new memories,
And live my life again.
But when the time comes,
And I need to feel your comfort,
I shall pull box out,
Open it up,
And look deep in my heart,
I shall remember again,
But only for a little bit.
So with these last words,
I shall move on,
Though know I’ll always love you,
I just need to let go.
But only for a little bit.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Geezer
3 years 4 months ago
Knowing when...
to let go and what to hang on to, is always a problem. I understand the writer's predicament, as I have been there myself. Not an easy subject but handled well. The terseness of the lines, make me think of wanting to escape, but I think that you need to add a few words here and there. Try this:
I want to move on
But don't want to forget
I need to loosen my grip
But if I do
Will it be so loose
That you'll slip away?
Making a break and leaving comfort behind, is not easy at all.
Nice work in general, with a good title. ~ Geezer.
.
Ray Whitaker
3 years 4 months ago
Welcome to the website!
"Pull your box out" nice analogy for putting having placed something away for a later examination. Unrequited love piece, very full of emotion and angst.
I'm looking forward to seeing/reading more of your work!