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Jackweb
Jackweb
Apr 26, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

THE LIVE CLOUD

The flame clouds
frowned,
fumed;
with
wisps
of
smoke-
the
heavens
waves
from
the
seat
power
of
the
sunlight!

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria), NGA

Favorite Poets: Late Christopher Okigbo, Wole soyinka, Maya Angelou, W.H. Longfellow, John Milton, W.B. Yeat.

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

2 years 2 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium)

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Live Cloud" offers a brief but vivid image of a turbulent sky. The use of alliteration in "flame clouds frowned" and "fumed" creates an ominous tone that is further enhanced by the suggestion of smoke. The phrase "the heavens wave in the seat of power" is somewhat unclear, but it hints at a larger, more complex meaning beyond the immediate imagery.

One possible line edit could be to change "with wisp of smoke" to "with wisps of smoke," as this would create a stronger sense of the smoke's presence and add to the overall atmosphere of the poem.

Overall, while this poem is short and lacks specific context or narrative, it effectively conveys a sense of foreboding and turmoil through its use of language and imagery. It leaves the reader with a feeling of unease, as if they have glimpsed something both beautiful and dangerous.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Jackweb

Jackweb

2 years 2 months ago

Wow!

Much appreciated for your precious comments.
.

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 2 months ago

Having read lots...

of your work, I have learned that you write mostly of governments and the power they exert over the ordinary people.
So, I will take that as my cue, and place it that category! I see you looking at a magnificent sunset and likening it to the flames
of the people, who will represent the sun and the transformation of the clouds as the smoke from the fire. Both beautiful and dangerous as the AI implies. ~ Geezer.
.