Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Nov 04, 2016
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Live in only ...... thanks edit
Deprivation
is the manure
for serious poets
as real poetry emanates
from all man kind
I often wonder
why marry
when two can raise
a progeny ..
through
boy and gal friends
conveniently
many end up
in divorce
you may live in
have sex of course
with no remorse
share the kids
equally
in any case
they separate at
eighteen
eventually
why restrict their lives
let them live in
with their
gals and guys
be gay or lesbian
whats it to
anyone
its their body
which was brought in
by any pair hetro
could be
him and you
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Keith Logan
8 years 8 months ago
Nonsense
be gay or lesby
whats it to you and me
its their body
which was brought in
by any two
could be
him and you
Can only be brought in by a heterosexual couple or the use of science to remove by one place the actual father.
jane210660
8 years 8 months ago
Hi Lovedly, for me, this is
Hi Lovedly, for me, this is not one of your finer pieces.
It's waffly, it makes sweeping generalisations, the flow is very wooden and lumpy and I don't like words written in capitals - it's too shouty.
I was going to say I don't have a problem with the content, but then I do - how can you say most poets emanate from the USA, how can you say mostly women divorce and I find the abbreviation of lesbian to lesby rather insulting. Sorry, but not wildly taken with this one. Jx
lovedly
8 years 8 months ago
could feel the slap
but really enjoyed it
took three hours to edit
hope you will now relish
jane210660
8 years 8 months ago
Bravo
Wow, just shows what a slap can produce - lol.
Seriously, this is a fantastic example of how editing , however painful, really can improve a piece of work. This is hardly recognisable from the first version, am seriously impressed.
Jxx
Keith Logan
8 years 8 months ago
It's an improvement
but for me could probably never go far enough. I am gay and always have been, in the old fashioned meaning of the word. I really object to any community hijacking a word and giving it a completely new meaning. "Good as you" is what I was told it stood for, to which I snapped back maybe they should aim a little higher. I have never bothered to rate myself in any way.
lovedly
8 years 8 months ago
teachers are great
by a ruler strike
they help poets
to evaluate and eradicate mistakes
thanks lady madam
next time use your hammer
jane210660
8 years 8 months ago
Lol
Ooooh, use a hammer........... unsubtle - me? Never :-) Jxx
lovedly
8 years 8 months ago
ok thanks
a sledge hammer may be
next time only
give me some topics to compose
more sublime poetry