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Candlewitch
Candlewitch
May 23, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Lone Mortality (eddy styx) reworked

"Lone Mortality"

arrogant dark Rooks cawing

from their shadowy haven

come to me unbidden

black-cloaked in shiny silken death

I pick up the trail of blood

carried fresh on the

intermittent nocturnal breeze

for one brief moment I am

powerless beneath fevered shadows

I am prone and pinned

To secret prophecies..
.
intolerable and unforgiving!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Another poem to be included in the publishing of "Book of Styx II" This is a polished draft awaiting ideas and suggestions before submission. Thank you in advance. eddy styx is my male alter ego.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

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More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 1 month ago

Dear Janice,

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this piece.

always eddy,(& Cat)

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 1 month ago

Dear Chrys,

I will keep that in mind. Rottie's got it right in her assessment. Thanks always for being here!

always eddy, (&Cat)

Rottiestyl

Rottiestyl

14 years 2 months ago

I taken the shiny to mean the

I taken the shiny to mean the glean off their smooth feathers and the shadowy, the hidden perch amongst the night time tree limbs. As it approaches the moon shines on the oil sleeked body. Hope I am close, nice piece.

lou

lou

14 years 2 months ago

Cat

I love the spare use of words, just enough to convey a very sinister and deeply atmospheric piece.

Love Lou

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 2 months ago

Cat,

in general, I like everything about this one, form, structure, theme, all are good,
but it lacks the delicate ferocity that epitomizes Eddy, to me. It seems unemotional for some reason that I can't quite put my finger on, with nothing under the surface tension, where Mr. Styx's emotional boil always seems to be gently roiling, ready to explode with that calculated violence of his that seems so casual and frightening.
I think perhaps because this is more of a descriptive piece than exploratory of Eddy's demons and gleeful appetite for murder?
It just doesn't make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up they way they usually do when I read eddy's words. Maybe its just me.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 1 month ago

Dear Jim,

You are right. This is a descriptive piece, from eddy's point of view looking out at the night shrouded avenue. I see what you mean and appreciate your honesty. Maybe I will add more on to this... It is definitely worth considering. Thanks again!

always,eddy(& Cat)

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 1 month ago

Dear Jess,

First of all, nice to meet Mr. Alex Machete! I don't know which I fear more, the cutting words, or the bad-assed blade. LOL! Thanks for reading! When will I get to read something written by Alex M.?

always, eddy (& Cat)

weirdelf

weirdelf

14 years 1 month ago

you have met Alex

just look at some of my nastier poems, I don't sign them Alex.
Oh, but mostly not re-posted here from the old site.
I might write one for Eddie, although didn't we do that before once?
A collaboration could produce some truly disturbing results!
[myah ah aaah!]

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 1 month ago

Dear Jess & Alex

I would love to do a co-write with you. I'd rather you took the lead and I will follow you.

always, eddy (& cat)

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 1 month ago

Dear Rosi,

Yes, this is a more reflective piece. From a quiet and pensive mood. Thanks for reading and commenting. Your thoughts are always welcome here.

always, eddy (& cat)

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 1 month ago

Dearest Jayne-Chloe,

Thank you! There may be more... I don't know. Maybe a short story. But it won't be anytime soon,as I'm still not quite up to snuff. Not my old self yet. But I will surely keep it in mind as a distinct possibility. Thank you for your continued support.

always, eddy (& cat)

Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

13 years 5 months ago

Oh so so subtle the haven and

Oh so so subtle the haven and the 'raven' the black and the silk
the 'red' and blood, fresh and 'flesh' so many such allusions
that pick the sensitive parts and bring one a feverous sweat.

I liked this little brittle spittle of darkness.

Ann.

Not sure what the 'delicate ferocity' was meaning from the comment above.
It needed no more than it has for me.