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Feb 08, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

Earn A Poem Workshop 1

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This poem is part of the challenge:

The Lonesome Party

Eighteen might be special, it's true,
Or twenty-one, or fifty-two.

He thought that seventy would be grand,
But sixty-nine, a place in his heart's land.

The day arrived, then slipped away,
No party graced the passing day.

Just wishful thinking, dreams in air,
The day's demise, beyond compare.

The birthday party, a phantom's call,
Perhaps at seventy, joy will befall.

Or maybe seventy won't appear,
Could he be smaller than small, gripped by fear?

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA the bay state, United Kingdom, Australia, South Africa, Nigeria, Canada, Europe, USA

Favorite Poets: Dylon, George Harrison, Leonard Cohen, Jess, Rett, Black Mountain Gang

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Comments

neopoet

4 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem, "The Lonesome Party," effectively uses a consistent rhyme scheme (AABB), which lends a rhythmic quality to the piece. This structure is beneficial in creating a predictable pattern that can enhance the reader's engagement.

The poem's theme, the contemplation of ageing and the fear of loneliness, is a universal one and could resonate with many readers. The use of specific ages, such as eighteen, twenty-one, fifty-two, sixty-nine, and seventy, provides a concrete context for this contemplation.

However, the poem could benefit from a more vivid use of imagery. While the concept of a birthday party is a strong central image, the poem could delve deeper into this metaphor to create a more immersive experience for the reader. For instance, the poem could describe the imagined party in more detail or use more sensory language to convey the protagonist's emotions.

The line "Could he be smaller than small, gripped by fear?" is a bit ambiguous. It's unclear what being "smaller than small" means in this context. If this is a metaphor, it might be beneficial to develop it further to ensure the reader can understand its meaning.

Lastly, the poem might benefit from a more varied sentence structure. Most lines in the poem are of similar length, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Varying the line length could add more dynamism to the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

4 months ago