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LONG LOST FRIEND PROSE TO POEM FINAL EDIT(i think)
Return to me, oh silent one,
dear friend of yester-year
Proclaim in me
of what you see
and all we've learned to fear
Originally legitimated reasons
of concern
quickly turn into more profound statements
of deterioration learned
Mental stability needs constant repair
causes of disappearing
and fearing
now finally shared
Anorexic indignations self-induced by lack of conformity
in societies "reality"
lead to harsh realisms of seriousness
in situations created out of fearless-ness
Life-long beginnings of Walker and Jack secured
Capricious wanderings engaging but never indured
Solidly strong with stability driven tendencies
Prone to involvement in Yukon's co-dependency
Being to no avail, taking wind from the sail
a call gone due to untimely inspection
twenty years
still lost in the collection
When finally the day has come back around
Yukon was found in another town
due to be reunited soon
Hopefully all is not ruined on the boob tube
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Rush was put to this due to personal reasons an hope everyone enjoys i kno i had fun w this
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
judyanne
13 years 1 month ago
a lot of work done here precious
to a really great transition
however, i do find the some rhymed stanzas along with others not rhymed a little awkward to read ... made me lose my concentration
- lol - not for you to worry about though - it doesn't take much for that to happen :)
i like
'Life-long beginnings of Walker and Jack secured
Capricious wanderings engaging but never indured
Solidly strong with stability driven tendencies
Prone to involvement in Yukon's co-dependency' - lol
but 'indure / indured' - do you mean 'endure/ endured' ?
congratulations on all the work you have put into this
love judy
scribbler
13 years 1 month ago
hello
It's certain that none can accuse you of not putting in a lot of work in this shop lol. I'm not certain but I think the last line references a future made for TV moving about the protagonists and such a thought is pretty original.........stan