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May 26, 2025
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Lord
Lord the day I will be blind
You will be my vision
Lord the day I can't speak
Anymore
You will be my voice
The day I will need oxigen
You will give me oxigen to breath
Also Lord I will not smoke in my life
I am telling you the truth Lord
Because I want to be healthy
For a long time
That is my wish Lord
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new Poem of mine
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider clarifying the poem's central theme and imagery. The initial lines create a strong metaphorical connection between personal limitations and spiritual reliance, but the transition to practical statements about health and smoking feels abrupt and shifts the tone significantly. To strengthen coherence, consider either expanding the metaphor of dependence on spiritual guidance or clearly bridging the symbolic language of the first half with the more literal statements in the second half. Additionally, watch for spelling ("oxigen" should be "oxygen") and repetition ("oxygen to breath" could be simplified to "oxygen"). A more consistent tone and careful attention to word choice would improve the poem's overall impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
mark
1 month 1 week ago
Are you lazy?
Expecting the lord to do all that for you?
The poem is well done.
I dissagree withb the logic though.
I wish I could depend on the lord but I won't because if he is a good man which he was he would desire for me to get off my butt and help myself to a healthy lifestyle.
Again , the poem is well constructed,
Mark