Geezer

Aug 03, 2024 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the challenge:

08/24 I Lost The Instructions

(Read More...)

Lost Instructions...

It seems to me, they were right here,
but now, they have gone away.
I put them down to finish my beer,
I didn't expect them to stray.

I'm at the point where I need them now,
there's parts that I do not know.
I just can't figure it out somehow,
where did those blankers go?

It never fails, I lose them when,
less important things are done.
I'm distracted for a moment, then,
yes, they've gone on the run.

They'll turn up, my wife, she says,
take a breather, why don't you?
I'm afraid, it might take days
and after I am through.

I know she's right, they will turn up,
but it bothers me no end.
There's parts left here, in this cup,
I might make mistakes, my friend.

So, I'll look once more, just a bit...
for they must be right here.
Oh, I see them from where I sit
stuck on the bottom of my beer!

The print is faded, smudged it is,
I am glad for the lost instructions
the picture shows, it goes like this
now, on to more construction.

~ Geez.
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About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

neopoet

10 months 4 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Lost Instructions..." effectively uses a narrative style to depict a common, relatable situation. The use of rhyme and rhythm contributes to the overall flow and readability of the poem. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

1. Consistency in Rhyme Scheme: The poem seems to follow an ABAB rhyme scheme in the first two stanzas, but this pattern is not consistently maintained throughout the poem. Ensuring a consistent rhyme scheme can enhance the rhythm and musicality of the poem.

2. Use of Language: The poem uses colloquial language, which helps to create a conversational tone. However, the use of the term "blankers" in the second stanza might be unclear to some readers. Ensuring clarity in language can help to make the poem more accessible to a wider audience.

3. Imagery and Metaphor: The poem could benefit from the use of more vivid imagery or metaphor to enhance the emotional impact of the poem. For example, the "parts left here, in this cup" could be described in more detail to create a stronger image in the reader's mind.

4. Punctuation: The poem could benefit from more consistent use of punctuation. For example, the comma in the line "I'm afraid, it might take days" seems unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the poem.

5. Conclusion: The ending of the poem provides a resolution to the narrative, but it could be made more impactful. The discovery of the instructions "stuck on the bottom of my beer" could be described in a way that provides a more satisfying conclusion to the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

10 months 4 weeks ago

Dear Geezer,

Beer is like that, concealing small items! It is insidious. I much enjoyed your contribution to the contest. well written for a simple understanding.

*hugs, Cat

Geezer

10 months 4 weeks ago

Yeah...

I never thought that this would be a great poem, but I did imagine that I could write something that would resonate with most people who have ever tried to put something together. I guess I have succeeded. Thank you, ~ Geez.
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Lavender

10 months 4 weeks ago