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May 13, 2025
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Lost Lines
My poet friends, I’m ailing.
some sickness, stern and silent
has found me, and I’m failing
to still this storm so violent
in my soul.
My goddesses – the Muses.
(I’d met while waves were weeping)
My rhymes, if one peruses,
will shout: “these girls are sleeping
in your soul!”
My life’s a solemn sonnet,
a desert bleak and barren.
No flower grows upon it,
no royal rose of Sharon
like of old.
My lines of youthful yearning
have lost their gleam and glimmer.
My verse, once bright and burning,
exudes a sluggish shimmer
oh, so cold.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Poems post-heart attack
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Lost Lines" effectively conveys a sense of struggle and loss through its imagery and poetic devices. The use of personification with the sickness being described as "stern and silent" adds depth to the emotional turmoil being experienced. The metaphor of the Muses as goddesses who are now sleeping in the soul creates a poignant contrast between past inspiration and current stagnation. The comparison of life to a "solemn sonnet" and a "desert bleak and barren" effectively conveys a sense of emptiness and desolation.
However, one aspect to consider is the consistency of the metaphors throughout the poem. While the imagery of lost inspiration and faded youth is strong, there could be an opportunity to further develop the connection between these themes. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices or varying the structure of the stanzas could enhance the overall impact of the poem. Experimenting with different forms or rhyme schemes may help to further convey the sense of struggle and loss depicted in the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
2 months ago
Dear poet, I am sorry
for the bad news, my God, a heart attack!
You are blessed to "hopefully" overcome it's sequences.
I've been there and thus I can easily relate.
Your poem is very emotional. It evoked many emotions even before reading your last few words.
I'll be back if for any suggestions or thoughts.
For the time being I thought maybe you need to change one of the repeated "in my soul".
Just a thought.
Please take good care.
Lavender
1 month 1 week ago
Lost Lines
Hello,
Such a beautiful and melancholy poem - such poetic language. Illness may bring out our deepest feelings, and you have expressed them so elegantly, yet they remain raw.
I hope you continue to heal - in every way.
Best regards, Amazing Bard.
L