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Nov 29, 2022
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The Lost Samurai
She walked in the garden with flowers in her hair
Sounds of melancholy strings filled the night air
The pond was full of roses that had begun to fade
In a glass case in front of her, her lost lover laid
In her eyes, cold tears fell as she began to cry
She wept over her lost love, her lost Samurai
He was struck a mighty blow while at a far war
He fought bravely but was failed by his sword
In his last moments, he could only think of her
Of her tender lips and her sweet smell of myrrh
As he died, wondering would she think of him again
He died in battle from wounds that did not mend
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Geezer
2 years 7 months ago
Tears...
"In her eyes, cold tears fell as she began to cry"
I think that perhaps I would have said:
From her eyes, hot tears fell as she began to cry
I liked the near-rhyme of war and sword. ~ Geezer.
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Depressed 1
2 years 7 months ago
Thanks
Thanks Geezer for reading and the suggestion. I feel that "cold" reflects the way she felt inside.
Geezer
2 years 7 months ago
I did...
reflect upon that very thing. ~ Geez.
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Lavender
2 years 7 months ago
The Lost Samurai
Even though this is about a violent death and tragic loss, there is a quiet essence to it - flowers in her hair, roses in the water, and for me, the most delicate, the sweet smell of myrrh. All of this makes the poem feel like a Japanese painting of a time long ago, yet reflects on any loved lost in war. I enjoyed this piece.
Thank you,
L
Depressed 1
2 years 7 months ago
Yes
I actually was thinking of the movie "Kill Bill" as I wrote this poem. Especially the last scene with Lucy Liu.
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 7 months ago
Great story telling
Great film. I like your poem better as I was picturing an actual samurai during the Tokugawa period.
Awesome
Tim
Depressed 1
2 years 7 months ago
Thanks
Thanks Tim.