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Aug 30, 2022
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This poem is part of the contest:
Neopoem Of The Week Contest August 28th to September 3rd 2022
"Love"
We know love to be
I know love to be
What is the be?
Affection? Physical touch?
Its never been this easy, to understood what love could be
To feel the underlying
state of emotion
To be.. you. To not have to worry what other people think of you, because
Because you are you.
The world has taught us to be a version of the stimulation, to
Fit in
To heal from this feeling
The feeling of not being enough
Is not what we thought it could be
Its being aware of your body, aware of your state in the earth in this very moment.
And maybe, just maybe
Love will find it way
Love will find its way to be
To be your escape from the true reasons you hide behind the sheep.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 10 months ago
Welcome
Great writing. I’m not really the resident free verse expert but I like this. If you’re seeking community and interaction with other writers, I think this is a great place. I find the members to be supportive and also interesting in their uniqueness. Everyone has a style or an aesthetic that’s a bit different and many of us are really engaging. Give it a quick proofread, you missed an apostrophe in the contraction “it’s” and there may be a line or two the could be arranged differently(make the breaks ends of lines for the reader).
Welcome and nice work,
Tim
Obadiah Grey
2 years 10 months ago
Love could be......
Love could be......
Feathered,
daft,
leaning sweet,
compliant
reliant
We - complete.
I guess most folks interpretation of love eventually converge somewhere in the middle!
and then there's those like me thats asking
"where's the feckin middle at?
Obi.
Obadiah Grey
2 years 10 months ago
Hello there, Adri.
Hello there, Adri.
I found your piece to be. pointed, edgy, when read in an urgent manner.
I liked it a lot...... (write with the head, not the heart)
Obi.
RoseBlack
2 years 10 months ago
Welcome
To Neopoet, Adri. Your poem was intriguing as it seems to have started off as a romantic poem and then turned into something different. Well done.
.
Jackweb
2 years 10 months ago
Arrangement of a poem
The way you structure a poem, is the way emotions transfuse from you to your reader. Structure is important it keeps you on track with the poem too.
I liked Rosewood's eagle eye on this piece! He said, "Give it a quick proofread, you missed an apostrophe in the contraction “it’s”.
Nice job!
I suggest you put it in this form: Though you are free to write a free verse. It's your choice. I shaped some few lines by omitting a kind of repeated lines.
We know love to be,
I know love to be
What is the be?
Affection? Physical touch?
It's never been this easy,
to understood what love could be.
To feel the underlying state of emotion;
To be... you do not have to worry what other people think of you, because you are you.
The world has taught us to be a version of the stimulation, to fit in.
To heal from this feeling,
the feeling of not being enough
Is not what we thought it could be.
It's being aware of your body, aware of your state in the earth in this very moment.
And maybe, just maybe!
Love will find it's way.
Love will find it's way to be your escape from the true reasons you hide behind the sheep.
.