05/25 My Last love poem

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Love letter to my Lord

As I reached up to yonder sky,
Apple dropped, into speckled eye.
Tears welled up, as I start to cry
As witness to earth scorched dry.

Pearlescent sweat upon my brow,
Aware of all that's fair and foul.
Although penny's dropped in silent growl,
Stoically, won't throw in that towel.

And as I seek to push on through,
With strength, less oak, more of Yew.
Knowing that olive branch to be true,
All hope of peace, centred in you.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Coventry, England, GBR

Favorite Poets: Michael Rosen , Rudyard Kipling , Pam Ayres , Benjamin Zephaniah

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Comments

neopoet

1 month 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem employs consistent rhyme and rhythm, creating a clear structure that guides the reader through the stanzas. However, certain areas could benefit from closer attention:

1. Imagery and Symbolism:
The poem relies heavily on symbolic imagery (apple, olive branch, oak, yew), yet the connections between these symbols remain somewhat unclear. Clarifying or deepening the symbolic significance of each element—such as the apple and its relation to knowledge or temptation, or the olive branch as a symbol of peace—could strengthen the poem's thematic coherence.

2. Word Choice and Clarity:
Some word choices seem driven primarily by rhyme rather than meaning—for example, the phrase "fair and fowl" introduces ambiguity. If intentional, consider clarifying the purpose of this contrast. If the intent was to reference "foul," ensure the spelling accurately reflects the intended meaning.

3. Consistency of Tone:
The poem shifts between a personal, emotional tone ("Tears welled up, as I start to cry") and a more abstract, symbolic tone ("Aware of all that's fair and fowl"). Consider whether these shifts are intentional and effective. If not, a more consistent tone could enhance the poem's overall impact.

4. Grammar and Tense:
In the first stanza, the phrase "as I start to cry" mixes past ("reached," "dropped," "welled") and present ("start") tenses. Revising for consistent tense usage would improve readability and coherence.

5. Metaphorical Clarity:
The metaphor "less oak, more of Yew" is intriguing but somewhat unclear. Clarifying the intended symbolic meanings of oak versus yew—strength, flexibility, longevity, or resilience—could help the reader better appreciate the metaphor's significance.

Overall, the poem demonstrates potential in its use of symbolism and structured rhyme, but further refinement of imagery, clarity, and consistency could significantly enhance its effectiveness.

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