Candlewitch

Mar 09, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the challenge:

March 2023 Challenge In the land of chaos 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

Love Lost In The Land Of Chaos

Asking me what you did wrong,
I told you that you did not listen,
you are not listening to me still,
could have wiped away tears that glisten.

You were too much of a Man's Man,
a two-fisted hard bodied drinker.
you never noticed it was slipping away
what you needed was a good head-shrinker.

Figuring out the mess you were creating
did you think in your hands you had it made?
Love was a treasure you could not tarnish
if only you had followed your heart and obeyed.

You did not realize how fragile love can be
I told you, be careful, not throw it away.
there are only so many chances allotted to a person
once used up, forever gone, fleeting like the day...

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I could not find the contest for this poem, it was not listed?????

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Clentin

2 years 3 months ago

I really liked your poem. It

I really liked your poem. It sounds as though you have had some sadness in your life. This poem
Shows some deep emotion

Candlewitch

2 years 3 months ago

thank you, Clentin

yes, I wrote this about my first husband. he would later ask me to take him back. but he had broken too many trusts, my heart was in saturation concerning him. you are very astute in your observations. thank you. I appreciate you.

*hugs, Cat

scribbler

2 years 3 months ago

Hmmmm....

sounds as if the protagonist's partner caused his own chaos.I regret that this is based on reality as nobody needs to go through this

Candlewitch

2 years 3 months ago

thank you Stan,

yea, it is based on reality. thank you for your observations, I appreciate them. I hope you are well. we are almost through with the Winter weather. I hope we do not get any more snow storms. it has snowed here a lot over the past two weeks. we have more than enough!

*love & hugs, Cat

RoseBlack

2 years 3 months ago

I really love this

How many times we speak and it falls on deaf ears when they really should be listening. Then they seem to figure it out too late and we are left with difficult feelings to sort out.

You were too much of a Man's Man,
a two-fisted hard bodied drinker.
you never noticed it was slipping away
what you needed was a good head-shrinker.

I really like this stanza. There is so much truth that he needed to see in these four lines. Great job!

Candlewitch

2 years 3 months ago

dear Carrie,

yep! you ave described it exactly! I think maybe they hear us but choose not to believe, due to male ego. then it comes back to bite them in the @ss! thank you for your ideas and opinion, I appreciate you.

*hugs, Cat

Geezer

2 years 2 months ago

Congratulations...

on the win! Nice job, I think that there are a lot of men out there, who conform to the societal norms, and don't ever let themselves have visible emotions and certainly wouldn't listen to a woman about fixing a broken relationship. We still have a lot of work to do; all of us! ~ Geez.
.

Candlewitch

2 years 2 months ago

dear Geezer,

yup! and I married two of them! but the one I have now is pretty damned good! LOL! as you say, we all have a ways to go...listening is the first step... I hope you are well?

*love, Cat

Leslie

1 year 6 months ago

Love lost...

One of my friends once said "all men are coyotes".

Candlewitch

1 year 6 months ago

Dear Leslie,

thank you for reading and commenting on my poem ;)

*Season's Greetings, Cat

Leslie

1 year 6 months ago

Cat...

I apologize if what I said was in anyway offensive.
Sometimes, even often, I say things that are a little
coarse. I am sorry I feel embarased.

Candlewitch

1 year 6 months ago

Dear Leslie,

Please do not feel bad! I am so sorry if I inadvertently gave you the idea I was upset! Now I feel bad!!!

*so sorry, Cat

Ruby Lord

1 year 6 months ago

I feel your poem is universal

I feel your poem is universal and applies to many relationships. If one side doesn't listen, the other side stops talking as it's a pointless task and the only defence. For those who experience this, they are the ones who bear the harm. Ruby, xxx

Candlewitch

1 year 6 months ago

Dear Ruby,

Thank you so very much... it is kinda what happened in my parents situation.

* I wish you a season of wonderful ideas! love, Cat