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May 23, 2018
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The Lover Man
The sun would wait before it sun down
such elegant appearance,
is just passing by,
it will attract a lot
of eye ball
attention.
a heavy weight champion beauty queen,
My love is heavier than the armors
i am certainly sure,
i shall fight your battles
i will break down all your foes
you shall see victory
in my eyes
when i see you again
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
themoonman
7 years 1 month ago
Hi,
Welcome to the site!
Your content is good but you lost me
on the delivery ... advise; write your
words to express the music of language.
First sentence, it doesn't make sense the
way it is written, important to grab your
reader from the beginning.
Mallory
7 years 1 month ago
Noted Sir...
Correction taken. Thanks Sir, Themoonman