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lovesick lines
I ponder, as rain on my window pane
slides down like the tears
we shed for the years
we let slip away
when we could not stay,
together.
I think and I feel, like when we would kneel
at the altar rail
till our faith grew stale
and our love took flight
in December’s blight,
bad weather.
I muse in my mind, on the gods unkind
who tore us in two
(slew love that was true)
when we, by the stream,
lay down there to dream,
on heather.
I grieve for the past; as long as I last.
I’ll visit you there
down dells of despair
where we reached the end of
our tether.
I breathe and I live, but cannot forgive
our cruel, callous crime
that robbed us of time:
a lifetime of being,
together.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: lovesick lines composed on a rainy day...
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Candlewitch
2 years 5 months ago
dear Blue,
a lovely, but sad poem. I very much like the style. can you tell me what is the form called? your poem flows very well. I like the simple and descriptive title! thanks for sharing!
*hugs, Cat
Blue-eyed Bolla
2 years 5 months ago
It's some form of sestain,
It's some form of sestain, think I got from one of Wordsworth's. Many thanks for your feedback and kind comments.
Candlewitch
2 years 5 months ago
thank you!
I shall look it up.
*hugs, Cat
Blue-eyed Bolla
2 years 5 months ago
lovesick
Many thanks, Ekaterina. Glad you enjoyed my poor little rhymes.
Geezer
2 years 5 months ago
I enjoyed...
both the story and the form. Very nicely done! ~ Geezer.
.
Blue-eyed Bolla
2 years 5 months ago
lovesick
Thank you, Geezer, for taking the time to read and feedback on my poor little rhymes.
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 5 months ago
Wow
I’m very impressed. The pattern is so interesting and executed flawlessly.
Tim
Blue-eyed Bolla
2 years 5 months ago
lovesick...
Thanks you, Tim. I appreciate your comments and feedback.