Lavender

Jun 25, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Luminary Grace - Villanelle

I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face
softly hidden in a thin veil of gray,
trying to survive in a lonely place.

Neither light nor air lives within this space
and as I searched for remnants of the day,
I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face.

Behind a curtain of damask and lace
a lost soul struggles on to make its way
trying to survive in a lonely place.

When curtains and veils denied sweet embrace
and I quickly tried to push them astray,
I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face.

But yet, no veil, no curtain can erase
this soul's uncovered heartache and dismay,
trying to survive in a lonely place.

When darkness dies from luminary grace,
my soul will shout, "I will no longer say -
I thought I saw an empty, lonesome face
trying to survive in a lonely place."

About This Poem

Last Few Words: My attempt (sigh) at a Villanelle. Is this considered Western?

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United States

Favorite Poets: I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Lavender

5 years ago

Good morning, Jerry!

So much to learn, a challenge and a bit of fun in the bargain! You always bring such positive energy and I appreciate your help! Onward to the Italian countryside to dance away!
Thank you!
L

(Hope I don't have a double post - issues...)

Lavender

5 years ago

Hello, Teddy

I'm so happy that you felt hope when reading this. It certainly was my intention!
Thank you, thank you!
L

Gracy

5 years ago

Hi Lavender, your villanelle is lovely, enjoyed every line, so deftly written. No nits, but I'm no expert. I do know that Bob Dylan's "Do not go silent into that dark night" is a villanelle. It became very popular in France and Britain. I also relate your poem to the present, when so many people are in a lonely place right now. Still, there's hope in your verses, so thanks for sharing them, all the best, Gracy

Lavender

5 years ago

Hello, Gracy

There is much loneliness in isolation, and it seems the virus is stirring up a bit again here in the States - praying it stays contained. Thank you for reading and your lovely comments. I usually don't go too far from the free verse grid, so this was interesting to me!
L

Lavender

5 years ago

Hello, Teddy

I agree - Neopoet is a tremendous home for poets!
Thanks!
L

Lavender

5 years ago

Hello, Alan

You have been very generous with your comments, and I think your suggestion for 'astray' is perfect. This was a challenge, but also pretty fun! I happily take your opinions and advice, and appreciate the time you, and everyone here, spends helping us all become better poets!
Thank you!
L

Rula

5 years ago

Dearest Lavender

What a beautiful write dear. So coherent, as I read I found every stanza completes and goes with the before and the next part which I know is never easy plus, the theme helps perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this masterpiece dear

Lavender

5 years ago

Hello, Rula

I was inspired by the many vilanelles posted recently, yours included! I know so little about structured and formed poetry and even less about origins. I appreciate your help!
Thank you!
L