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Jul 08, 2025
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A magnet for tsuris
Summation notation of achievements
wrought absolute zero
pridefulness to self -
a veritable highstrong yoyo
(lame at walking the dog)
a solitudinarian devoid of xoxo
methinks (writer of these words)
Hebrew a legacy of woe
courtesy self apathy
expanding across his mein kampf
on a broader scale
analogous to predicted fallout from Project 2025,
where resultant mayhem
will trigger widespread societal upheaval
upending progressive socialism
videre licet flick of the wrist veto
where democracy writhes vis a vis death throw
signature of forty seventh president
of the United States,
the septuagenarian who trumpets hegemony,
and dons hat of dictator carte blanche
a caricature of a contortionist
trotting out dog and pony show
the former a growling
super gnasher tooth flasher
(actual name of a book title
written by Daniel Pinkwater
and featured on Reading Rainbow
Episode 8 in Season 7
and originally aired on March 28, 1990),
which year a tad less than my half-life ago
when this "Froggie Went a Courtin'"
an amphibious embarkation
whereat yours truly pitched hither and yon,
to and fro within a tempestuous relationship
with the then girlfriend
who visited me at 324 Level Road
(the vestige of Glen Elm Estate
whittled down to about a half dozen acres
with trace of formal gardens
long since reclaimed by mother nature
as overgrown woodland)
my boyhood domicile,
but became a permanent fixture
within the Harris household
constantly assailing me
to pledge my troth
after we already
consummated consensual coitus
aptly enough at the
Evansburg Park residence of Steve Cummings
(principally prompted with reckless abandon
by unsheathed phallus)
intercourse occurred countless times,
though devoid of mutual (of Omaha)
fundamental orgasmic prolongation
courtesy hair trigger minute man of mine,
which got fired
from his miniscule silo
discovering seminal virility sometime
around mid March of nineteen ninety six
when we became ensnared in the parent trap
on a freaky Friday - the ides of March
where we bickered over
what to name the unborn child
gender revealed at ultrasound
during the second trimester,
typically between eighteen
and twenty two weeks of pregnancy,
but by the second trimester,
the baby's genitals are developed enough
for the sonographer
to identify the sex with reasonable certainty,
which bouncing baby girl
set the wife on buying sprees
at upscale thrift stores within environs
around 2700 Elroy Avenue Hatfield,
which afforded a grand view
of a meat processing plant
the first apartment complex
we moved into after pledging our troth
yours truly designated as a forerunner
to quasi proto doordash
heavily patronizing Boston Market
temporarily escaping vocalizing future star student
who also tested her pipes
when we settled down to sleep
all three of us crammed upon a crib mattress
keeping the bedroom door closed
a minor inconvenience
against an undeterred plague of water bugs,
whose population kept in check
by sprinkling borax powder
underneath sink, where they throve
within the warm and damp plumbing fixtures.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a dense, sprawling narrative that intertwines personal history, cultural references, and political commentary. The ambitious scope is notable, but the poem’s complexity and length may challenge readers’ engagement and comprehension. Here are some points to consider for revision and refinement:
1. **Structural Clarity and Pacing**: The poem reads as a continuous stream of consciousness with minimal breaks or stanza divisions. Introducing stanzas or line breaks at thematic or narrative shifts could help readers navigate the transitions between personal anecdote, political reflection, and cultural allusion. This would also create rhythmic variation and allow moments of emphasis or pause.
2. **Thematic Focus and Cohesion**: Multiple themes—political critique, personal relationships, family history, and social observations—are woven together, but the connections between them are sometimes opaque. Clarifying the relationships among these themes or selecting a narrower focus might strengthen the poem’s impact. For example, how does the political imagery of “Project 2025” and the “forty seventh president” relate to the intimate domestic scenes? Making these links more explicit could deepen the poem’s resonance.
3. **Language and Tone**: The poem employs a mix of formal diction (“solitudinarian,” “videre licet”) and colloquial or playful phrases (“dog and pony show,” “hair trigger minute man”). While this juxtaposition can be effective, at times it feels uneven or jarring. Consider whether the shifts in tone serve the poem’s overall effect or distract from it. Consistency or deliberate contrast with clearer intent can enhance reader engagement.
4. **Use of Allusion and Reference**: References to Daniel Pinkwater, Reading Rainbow, and specific addresses ground the poem in particular cultural and personal contexts. However, some references may be obscure to readers unfamiliar with them. Providing subtle contextual clues or integrating these allusions more organically could help maintain accessibility without sacrificing specificity.
5. **Imagery and Sensory Detail**: The poem includes vivid details—the “overgrown woodland,” “meat processing plant,” “plague of water bugs”—that evoke a strong sense of place. Expanding on sensory descriptions and using metaphorical language more consistently could enrich the atmosphere and emotional texture.
6. **Syntax and Lineation**: The poem’s long lines and complex syntax sometimes impede readability. Experimenting with shorter lines, enjambment, or varied sentence structures might improve flow and highlight key phrases or images.
7. **Emotional Arc and Voice**: The speaker’s voice is distinctive but occasionally diffused by the poem’s breadth. Sharpening the emotional throughline—whether it is regret, irony, nostalgia, or critique—can create a more compelling narrative drive.
Overall, the poem’s ambition and intellectual layering are evident, but refining its structure, thematic clarity, and linguistic choices will help it communicate more powerfully and invite deeper reader connection.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact