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Ruby Lord
Ruby Lord
May 22, 2023 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

A Tribute To Mother 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

MAMMY

Black tarmac road, winter night, the full moon follows me.
Mammy, look, look at the moon Mammy, do you see?

My arm tucked into hers, defended from invading sibling,
On her other side, a baby brother, twelve months beyond a yearling.

The marathon walk to the church, we sit in refrigeration
Packed together inside to wait, with a shivering congregation.

On her knees, praying, with words I didn’t understand.
But all through the service, I’d hold her arm with my demanding hand.

Mammy’s lips her words moving but she never spoke the prayers aloud.
Spiritually in her faith did she speak to God above the crowd?

As if she knew what I was thinking, she lowered her face to meet my eye.
Say your prayers and don’t be cheating, God is watching from on high.

My head is lowered, hands together, mumbling words I had not grasped,
It’s a comfort to relive that scene, she’s in my heart, hands together clasped.

Mammy look to the moon, please see me, and tell me where you are?
If I could hold you in moon light, we wouldn’t seem so far.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: United Kingdom

Favorite Poets: Margaret Atwood is one of my favourite writers. Carol Ann Duffy, Philip Larkin, Ted Hughes, Wendy Cope and more.

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

2 years 1 month ago

Neopoet AI

Watch this space! Our AI is thinking of a response. This typically takes up to 10 minutes.

Geezer

Geezer

2 years 1 month ago

I don't see...

anything that I would change. Your title expresses a child's name for mother and I am always intrigued by the names that children call their mothers. Your language use is good, not overly dramatic and easy to read; nothing to have to figure out.
I feel the rhyme is good and the pace is even. The theme is one that is easily relatable, and it flowed well from beginning to end. Nicely done! ~ Geezer.
.

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

2 years 1 month ago

Thank you for your kind

Thank you for your kind comments Geezer, much appreciated.

My mum was Irish, it's pretty normal in ireland to call your mother mammy or mam. Ruby :)

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 years 1 month ago

dear Ruby,

this poem would make great song lyrics! I enjoyed it very much, thank you for this.

*always Cat, *hugs

Leslie

Leslie

1 year 6 months ago

MAMMY

I won't pretend to critique this. What a wonderful poem.
What a beautiful relationship you had. I have never bonded
with anyone. It reminds me in some ways of a song by
Carly Simon called "Like a River'.

me have an indication and feeling of bonding that I never
achevied

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

1 year 6 months ago

Hi Leslie and thank you for

Hi Leslie and thank you for your kind words. I listened to that song, it was lovely, thank you for pointing me in this direction. My mammy was 39 when she died. It was a very difficult time for all of us.
I'm so sorry you never experienced this sort of relationship, I cannot imagine how that must have affected you? I hope you find comfort in writing your poems. They are a great opportunity for us to say what we have always wanted to say to people who are no longer here. Ruby :) xx

Leslie

Leslie

1 year 6 months ago

Ruby

I have loved that song for a long time. I'm glad that you liked it.
how old were you when you lost your mom? That would have
been confusing and disorientng for me, like a lost boy.

Leslie

Leslie

1 year 6 months ago

Ruby

I have loved that song for a long time. I'm glad that you liked it.
how old were you when you lost your mom? That would have
been confusing and disorientng for me, like a lost boy.

Leslie

Leslie

1 year 6 months ago

Ruby

I have loved that song for a long time. I'm glad that you liked it.
how old were you when you lost your mom? That would have
been confusing and disorientng for me, like a lost boy.

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

1 year 6 months ago

I was 16, and I was pregnant

I was 16, and I was pregnant with our one and only boy.

I have/had 2 brothers and 3 sisters and a father who didn't give a f*ck about anyone but himself. He hadn't worked for years but as soon as my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he went out and found himself a job so he didn't have to look after her.

Leslie

Leslie

1 year 6 months ago

Ruby

I'm sorry about your dad but more importantly a young
teen with so much responsibility I have two boys and
two girls and I understand some of the resonsibility that
you had and how hard it must have been. Men are
generaly coyotes.

Tigger Kaz

Tigger Kaz

5 months 1 week ago

Wonderful words

There's definitely musicality to your words.
I felt the combination of vulnerability and yet security, in what you wrote.
Excellently crafted!

Leslie

Leslie

1 month 1 week ago

Ruby,

I DIDN'T GIVE YOU ENOUGH PRAISE THE FIRST TIME THAT I REPLIED, BUT I WISH THAT I FELT THIS WAY ABOUT MY MOTHER TOO. I THINK YOU HONOR HER MEMORY WITH THE WAY YOU WRITE AND COMPOSE YOURSELF. RELIGION ISN'T REALLY MY THING ANYMORE ALTHOUGH THE RAINBOW OF HOPE HAS CROSSED MY BROW MORE THAN ONCE OR TWICE. MAYBE WE WILL MEET IN YONDER REALM IF ONLY BRIEFLY I HOPE TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH YOU HAVE AFFECTED ME IN A POSITIVE WAY WHEREEVER I AM HEADED!

Alex Tanner

Alex Tanner

1 month 1 week ago

Loved it

Loved it Ruby. It seemed a bit disjointed at first read, but I then read it to myself several times as though onstage. It works, nothing needs changing. Alex.