A Mantle of Wonder

whisper to me in dark places,
unshackling my mute form

revive the thousand voices,
I have sustained in a forever
unspoken and formless
so as to be forgotten,
it was in a night-scape,
the void of sound
negated speech

I break into flight,
with an oath choking
on my first cry

I drift on the hair of my nape,
as the weave of my cloth
spirals, for a moment

as gums bleed out
the rhythm in my shade, refrains

I ask of you,
caress me in the softness
of mourning,
whisper to me of dark places

for now,
I am a broken vow of silence
spoken in a thousand tongues

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Comments

Josephus

12 years 3 months ago

Jayne this is such a well

Jayne this is such a well written work expressing pain and anguish internalized and hidden seeking a heart to listen and care. "I break. Into flight with an oath choking on my first cry" is just wracked with emotion; almost too painful to read.

You have a talent. I thoroughly enjoy your work however the word "enjoy" seems inappropriate in this instance.... Possibly "being compelled" would fit in this case

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

Dear Joe

Thank you so much for the read and review its always appreciated
I plan to edit this some more a few things that need tweaking

thanks again for the visit

love Jayne-Chloe

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

double post

Ian.T

12 years 3 months ago

Jayne

Beautifully written, is this a cry from the past, echoing across the void to your thoughts if you allow it too bother you..
It is hard to quiet a thousand tongues when they are carried on the ether.
Yet you do, and there you are writing with a description, so that it goes away for ever ??
Take care young Lady and know we think of you,
Yours Ian.T and friends

Seren

12 years 3 months ago

Ian

thanks for the read and the comment I appreciate your time and your thoughts

love always JC x