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Feb 03, 2023
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Mantle of Wonder
whisper to me in dark places,
unshackling my silent form
revive a thousand voices,
I have sustained in forever
unspoken and formless
so as to be forgotten,
it was in a night-scape,
the void of sound
negated speech
I break into flight,
with an oath choking
on my first cry
I drift on the hair of my nape,
as the weave of my cloth
spirals, for a moment
as gums bleed out
the rhythm in my shade, refrains
I ask of you,
caress me in the softness
of mourning,
whisper to me of dark places
for now,
I am a broken vow of silence
spoken in a thousand tongues
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Geezer
2 years 5 months ago
This speaks to me...
of deepest sorrow. I know that this could be about any number of things, and I might not ever consider what it is really about, but I feel the regret and sorrow most acutely.
"I ask of you,
caress me in the softness
of mourning,
whisper to me of dark places
for now,
I am a broken vow of silence
spoken in a thousand tongues"
This sounds so lonely and distant, I can feel the hurt. Excellent! ~ Love and higgest bugs, Bro. ~ Geez.
.
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Dearest Bro
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Dearest Bro
You get me better than most. I got some diffcult news this week and I had a long night of no sleep lots of tears. It was like the dam that had been pent up for months had finally given. Now I'm writing some pretty dark stuff. But also some good. I'm so happy you like this one. Those last lines are my favourites.
Love and higgliest bugs Sis
scribbler
2 years 5 months ago
Hmmm....Kinda hard to interpret for an old codger like me
but the last 2 lines are excellent
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Dear Bro
If you like the last two lines that's enough for me. I was incredibly gutted when I wrote this so maybe it doesn't make perfect sense it did to my heart at the time.
Love Always Sis
Jackweb
2 years 5 months ago
A very captivating caption!
Understanding and interpreting a poem is very huge task hence it takes your mind to deepen your imagination and thoughts to forsee and feel the same emotions of the poet. But here, I'm drenched in her poetic creation. The poet is well- versed in language. Love this!!!
for now,
I am a broken vow of silence
spoken in a thousand tongues
Outstanding line!
.
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Dear JackWeb
Thanks foe opening your mind and letting me in for a moment. I don't even know where those last few lines come from. Sometimes it's like I'm writing on autopilot.
Thanks for the read and the visit I appreciate it
Regards Seren
Rosewood Apothecary
2 years 5 months ago
Excellent
The title is perfect. It gives an air of accepted uncertainty that continues throughout the poem. Everyone has picked out some of their favorite lines I see. They seem to have zeroed in on the heart of the thing. Extremely well written.
Tim
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Dear Tim
Bingo! Accepted uncertainly is exactly it! Shattered then regathered. Thanks muchly for the read and the visit it's appreciated
Kind regards Jayne
RoseBlack
2 years 5 months ago
Beautifully written
I can feel the pain, sorrow and regret in every line and the longing for comfort and support. There is a consistent beat to the entire poem and I can almost hear it being spoken in a soft, dusky voice. Well done!
Seren
2 years 5 months ago
Sweet Carrie
I'm so blessed to be here among you all especially now. To have people who can "feel" your words is truly one of the greatest gifts I received and give as a writer.
Thanks as always for the read and the understanding. It's truly appreciated.
Love and hugs Jayne xox