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Race_9togo
Race_9togo
Nov 06, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Maps

Across your gentle curves,
between wide hips,
dark swell of breasts
and jeweled lotus
hidden within the softness
of your thighs
are stretch marks,
crisscrossed,
pale as moonbeams
against your evening skin
that you,
embarrassed,
have always tried
to hide
from me.

It makes me laugh
to see you curled up
in such discomfort,
gaze accusing,
a look so full of little shames
and angers at the fact
that
I will not turn
my gaze away.

But I never will,
for where you see
stretched skin
and tired aging flesh
I trace joys remembered,
your curves in beauty
swelling with one son,
then another,
singing both unborn
between my kisses,
voices mingling,
your dark eyes
shining,
holding mine enfolded,
enthralled
at tiny feet and fists felt
softly moving within you,
slow,
unseen
yet everything,
my future
on my cheek.

These are not the marks of shame
nor reminders of old age,
they are
maps,
intricate in ancientness yet
new roads unfamiliar,
traveled joyous
and wondering,
disbelieving
of great fortune,
they are
summer dusks of winding lanes,
clear night highways
intersecting
at that secret inner place
you held our treasures
growing at our crossroad
until at last in pain and
fierce releasing passion
you gave them up
to me.

Do not hide these maps,
do not turn away from me,
lie still,
let me put my lips
upon them
tracing and remembering;
in their taste and touch
I cannot be lost
in loneliness
as once I was,
for they guide me
always
back to you.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This was on our old site. I was determined to post only new material on our new one here, but after reading Rett's most beautiful poem, Badges Of Honor(http://new.neopoet.com/node/194), I decided to put this back into the mix. There is no need to comment if you remember it, simply enjoy.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

More from this author

Comments

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

Thanks Judyanne,

But you should really thank Rett - he's the one who led me to re-posting this.

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

Thank you Chrys

You have said it.
I cannot speak for other men, but they really are beautiful, to me, when I think about what they show, and represent.
Especially when I think aboutshe who agreed to have them, for me, and the reasons why.
:)
Thanks again.

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

Oz Lady,

Let me tell you something, Jayne-Chloe.
You may save anything I write, any time you like, for any reason you wish, and never need ask my permission again.
You are one of the reasons that I now consider myself a poet.
You are one of the reasons OTHER people - many whom I greatly respect and admire - think that I am a GOOD poet.
And I write the way that I do largely because you and others here and some who aren't here now - and I wish that they were - encouraged, criticized, edited and sometimes took me to task, and each and every comment from each and every one of you has driven me to become better...and all of you still do. Please excuse me if I wax emotional, but the skill I have developed because of all of you means more to me than I can ever express.
There, I got that deep emotional crap out of the way, heehee.

So never ask me again; know that you can, and always can.

Yes, as I recall, you were the first one to comment on it.

>>extremely large virtual hug<<

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

Then be away,

And get better. There is not a single one among us who have not enjoyed your work, or who are better writers and poets because of you. So get that damned illness defeated, and return to us whole, and healthy, all right?

<<large and long virtual embrace>>

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

Shirl

LOL
You'll think of me every time you think of stretch marks?
hahahahah
oh my, THAT is funny!
But I know it is heartfelt, and I thank you for it!

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

Thanks Rosina,

You give me more credit than I deserve.

My wife read this one long ago...
...and no longer curls up.

S

scribbler

14 years 8 months ago

maps

I am glad you reposted this as it must have been before my arrival here. A beautiful write on love's filtering effect.......scribbler

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

:)

Thanks Scribbler,
Yes, I think it might have been posted before you arrival.

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

14 years 8 months ago

:)

Thanks Ann
She whom it is about makes it beautiful.

Hooded Stranger

Hooded Stranger

14 years 8 months ago

Jim

Jim,

it is a shame we are missing some quality poems from the old Neo. I had many saved in my bookmarks and returned frequently to re-read them and enjoy them again. This was on my bookmarked list and now I have it back...I have no problem with old poems being submitted...especially if they are of such quality as this one.

regards,

HS

Keith Logan

Keith Logan

8 years ago

Well written Jim

Any tribute to womanhood is welcome to me. I certainly would not like their role in life yet they accept without complaint. It reminded me of Sandy Posey's song I was born a woman.

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

8 years ago

could you read aloud

I really enjoy the idea and development of the poem. It's a work that resonates with a good vibe.
A gracious love of the physical changes of childbirth. Beautiful images.

When I read it aloud to myself, which is the way I read poetry, (i don't read prose that way), I tend to pause at the end of every line, even it's a single word, like "then". When I do that the poem doesn't work for me rhythmically. it's like this:

against your evening skin PAUSE
that you, PAUSE
embarrassed, PAUSE
have always tried PAUSE
to hide PAUSE
from me. PAUSE

For me the meter becomes awkward, not natural. The lines throughout the poem shift from one syllable to 3 or 4, and has a chromatic scale sound. So I re-read the poem, creating my own meter,
and it becomes more enjoyable, and flows for me.
There are no doubt many ways to read a poem, but the line itself has to be the clue of the poet's intent. I think there has to be a reason you are constructing the poem in this way, to break down the words presented in this form.
In music you have to fill in each "bar" with the correct number of beats in that time signature. The metronome may be counting but you fill in the bar anyway you want, in the beat or syncopated off the beat, or add stops or pauses or eight notes.. That's kind of the same idea with traditional poetry, like a sonnet, with specific meter demands. That is also the same with slam poetry, very carefully constructed to meter.
If you could read your poem on sound cloud I'd love to hear what you had in mind.

another example;

tracing and remembering PAUSE
in their taste and touch PAUSE
I cannot be lost PAUSE
in loneliness PAUSE

I ended up reading it:

tracing PAUSE
and remembering PAUSE
in their taste PAUSE
and touch PAUSE
I cannot PAUSE
be lost PAUSE
in loneliness

I kinda created a 3 beat 2 beat meter.

This whole question of form and meter is a difficult one in modern poetry, but I think it's good to question it and define how we want a poem to sound. This is a fine poem, but without changing a word I read it in a different way than it is presented. I think the poet should be in command there, and compose the poem so it reads within the parameters as they meant it. The composer calls the shots, not the musician interpreter.

I hope you will consider these comments in the spirit they were written, to help us understand the nuances of this difficult art we struggle with.

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

8 years ago

Thank you

For your criticism.
First, you need never hope that I will take things a certain way, or ever feel that I might take umbrage at anything you say about my poetry.
I have no ego when it comes to what I write. I have a need to make it better, and so everything is accepted as it should be, i.e. an attempt to make me think, and understand, what I write, how I write it, and how I can improve it.
I must disagree about the poet being in command. It is true that the poet is in command when writing and editing, but when someone else reads the result, it is always read with their own interpretation, their own style, and their own innate sense of rhythm, regardless of what the author did, or tried to do.
And it is not usually the composer who is in command, but rather, the conductor; in the case of poetry, unless one is at a poetry slam, the reader is invariably the conductor, calling his or her own shots when it comes to interpretation.
As, it is evident, you have, with this poem. And that is perfectly, absolutely, the way it should be.
Having said that, I have tried to make the reader feel certain ways when they read this poem; I want them to have a sense of what I feel about the subject. This is why the lines are written as they are, in short bursts of syllables; they are short enough so that each phrase will find a place to 'stick' in the reader's mind. I am not interested in how the poem SOUNDS, but rather how it makes the reader FEEL, if you see what I mean. And more importantly, I am interested in how the imagery evokes the emotional reaction, an how long that reaction stays with the reader.
Thanks again for you criticism, Eumoplus, and please, keep it coming; such detailed critique is immensely useful.

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

8 years ago

Agreed

And thanks for the dialogue. I might suggest there are considerable interpretations a conductor can make, but he has to work within the framework of time signatures..like he can't change a 4/4 to a waltz. I do understand from a visual point of view poets since Cummings, who really set the bar, use words all over the page in very creative ways. But in the readings by him, the poem just "reads" somewhat normal.
As a musician I find that I try to play a classical piece exactly the same way each time, which is impossible, but it's my goal. When I play jazz, I try the exact opposite- I try never to play it the same way twice. For my poetry, when reading aloud, I take the classical approach. I have been attending a lot of readings lately and my own goal is to put in paper in such a way that the reader will read it it the time signature I assigned it. So I look for clues from a poem offered me how to read it aloud in my head. When the poem uses spaces between words, or indents, or puts a single word as a line, or uses exclamation points etc., these are all clues on how I think the poet meant me to read the poem. But in the case of Cummings....
So in the end I suppose we might consider the interesting relationship between reading a poem aloud and seeing the poem on the page as we read it. That makes poetry very unique. I can't see that relationship existing in prose!
This dialogue has given me the opportunity to consider my thoughts. Thanks for reading!

wesley snow

wesley snow

8 years ago

Provocative,

but beautiful. I am glad to see poets here reposting some of their best and favorite works. I was able to read a number of Stan's that I had missed and glad I saw this one. It is truth.

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

8 years ago

Thanks Wes,

It is good to get such positive reactions from readers...and even better when they come from poets like yourself.

S

scribbler

8 years ago

Damn

I also pull up some of my old stuff and it always makes me a bit sad to see responses to folks no longer here......stan

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

8 years ago

Hey Stan,

Likewise, brother, likewise....but I try to focus on the fun we had, the fights we had (hello, Jess!) and the improvements we've forced each other to make, over the years.
Good stuff, and great memories, I think.

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

8 years ago

Thanks Mark,

This is an old poem, originally from the pre-crash site. I think my poetry has changed a bit since then, but this has always been one of my favorites. Glad that you enjoyed it so much!

wesley snow

wesley snow

8 years ago

It is said...

that when a poem is read it is not the poet that is being judged, but the reader.