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Apr 11, 2025
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Masked
sheets of mist
creeped and spilled
over the small town.
Deep and murky, with
a tomb-like stillness.
manacle-grey skies
over mankind,
bones rattling
from hordes of evil
blood eyes, glinting
with violence. Claws
tipped like cats
paws, serrated for
ripping away flesh.
and soft tissue.
Ravenous gums peeled
back, revealing,
piercing fangs that
took shape out of
the filmy beard
of the smoky vapour.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
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Candlewitch
2 months 2 weeks ago
Dear Jokerface,
a wonderful telling of darkening shadows! This Line is exquisite:
manacle-grey skies
I love it! Excellent work! hugs, Cat
Jokerface82
2 months 2 weeks ago
Thank you
I appreciate the comments and praise for my work!
Lavender
1 month 3 weeks ago
Masked
Hello, JF,
Very ominous. So good, in that way. I'm wondering if "filmy" should be used twice - it seems the beard feels a bit more substantial, weightier. The shadow image is so vivid. Chilling! :)
Thank you!
L
Jokerface82
1 month 3 weeks ago
Well spotted
Nope that shouldn't be in there twice (filmy) I'm glad you enjoyed it