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R
raj
This poem is part of the workshop:

Can you make a limerick serious?

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Mass Anaesthesia (Serious Limerick WS)

Is life worth living without being conscious
mute witness feigning to be unconscious.
Isn't this mass anesthesia
and forced pseudo inertia
a stigma to our social subconscious?

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

More from this author

Comments

lovedly

lovedly

10 years 7 months ago

limericks

7to 10 syllables in lines 1,2and 5
5 to 7
in lines three and four

and one shouldn't manipulate the same word
for rhyming.....

in school days remember
Little Miss Muffet and etc bucket...

and Hickory Dickory dock etc
those were happy limericks

and made the poet well known for his new works

Sad Jess wants unhappy ones
let us all live in misery...

R

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Lovedly

Wasn't aware about conformance of a syllable count in a Limerick till i read this...let me hear the comments of others too..thanks for the information...

Regards,

Race_9togo

Race_9togo

10 years 7 months ago

Hi Raj.

I would try re-writing line 2, to reduce the syllables.
other than that, this is good stuff.
Can you make a limerick serious?
You just did.
Keep writing, my friend.

R

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Thanks Jim

I will certainly take a re look on syllable count in line 2 and re work on it...good to know you liked the rest of it...

Regards,

Ian.T

Ian.T

10 years 7 months ago

raj

I shall look up the syllable count tomorrow it is a little late here, but as with all writes we have quite a leeway to work with as we are writers of poetry and boundaries have to be explored in all things,
Yours Ian.

weirdelf

weirdelf

10 years 6 months ago

Fucking superb, Raj!

This gets one of my votes.
There has been a paucity of voting so it has been difficult for me to decide a winner without it being my own choice.

R

raj

10 years 6 months ago

Thanks Jess

Thanks Jess

for your positive comment. Coming from the WS host means a lot more.

Regards,