raj

Dec 13, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

May Be May Be Not

Between dawn and dusk
a lot happens in our world
is night a reprieve?

the moon keeps up the vigil
till the sun rises again

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Somewhere in the world, IND

Comments

Rula

10 years 7 months ago

Food for thought

Raj... loved the tanka and language used.
If you could find an alternative for "does" may be "keeps up", unless you want it for the purpose of emphasis.

I really like the thought you put there and the optimistic view.
Best regards.

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Thanks for the visit, Good to know you found it thought provoking. Appreciate your comment. I deleted the word "does" as proposed by you. However, i don't think it would be right to use "keeps up". Therefore altered the line without affecting the vowel count. Do you think it to be better now?

Regards,

Rula

10 years 7 months ago

I wanted "keeps up"

to mean "maintain" or "preserve"
as I understand the line.
Anyway it certainly flows well after the edit.
Well done!!

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Rula

Thanks for coming back. I was apprehensive whether "keeps up" is colloquially right. But on second thoughts I feel it does, so i have adopted your suggestion in toto. Thanks again.

Regards,

Rula

10 years 7 months ago

I am

happy you thought it sounds well.
Thanks for sharing Raj.

raj

10 years 7 months ago

Thanks Rula

for your approving comment.

Regards,

Seren

10 years 6 months ago

Dearest Raj

This one touches on the profound, beautiful, nothing to critique its a gem as it sits, what a wonderful poem, I am inspired ...

much love and hugs Jayne x

raj

10 years 5 months ago

Dearest Jayne

Your visiting this poem considering all that you are enduring these days in itself is beyond words to express how good I feel and to know that you found it profound gives me joy ...i can't thank you enough...

be well soon..

much love and warm hugs...

mand

10 years 5 months ago

I agree

This is a profound! And the title ( I think ) is in answer to the question you pose - I guess people would answer that question differently! The sun and moon are dancing partners waltzing the dance of life! ( I don't know if that made sense but it sounded good! ) Lol

I just loved this tanka

Love Mand xxxx