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May 25, 2025
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This is Me Trying
What if I gave up
What if I quit breathing
Then I wouldn't worry
What others are perceiving
What if I screamed out
Until my throat bled
What if I let you see
All the monsters in my head
Would you still be my friend
Or would you call me crazy
I try so hard to fight for air
I'm gasping for air, vision hazy
I'm the soldier who fights
The poet who writes
The dreamer who does
The lover who loves
My heart is pounding
Unraveling at the seams
It may burst in my chest
Save me from this bad dream
I try to escape through fiction
Allow music to sweep me away
But I'm beginning to wonder
If these fragments are broken to stay
I love you so much, I'm so sorry
I swear, I swear I'm not lying
And even though I'm failing
I promise, this is me trying
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 month ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "This is Me Trying" delves into themes of struggle, vulnerability, and self-doubt. The imagery of giving up, screaming out, and battling inner demons creates a sense of raw emotion and turmoil. The repetition of "I'm trying" reinforces the speaker's earnest effort despite facing challenges.
One suggestion for improvement could be to further develop the specific imagery and metaphors used in the poem. For example, expanding on the monsters in the speaker's head or the feeling of unraveling at the seams could create a more vivid and immersive experience for the reader. Additionally, considering varying the rhythm and structure of the poem could enhance its impact and emotional resonance.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys a sense of struggle and determination, but further exploration of imagery and structure could elevate its depth and engagement.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
kowque
3 weeks 1 day ago
Listen to Sade
She has a song
Soldier of love
I read this poem
And automatically thought
You are a warrior