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lou

Apr 03, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Meat (Re-written)

Meat

He expects her not to feel,
believes that she is simply humanoid.
Shock fills his eyes,
When reality emerges from his dilusion.

She is the sum of childhood vulnerabilities
an amalgamation of experiences.
Has the ability to love unconditionally,
even has a brain.

He is able to separate heart from his groin
In the pursuit of an erection.
Disengage intellect and feeling,
To receive satisfaction.

She must disabuse him of his misunderstanding,
relieve him of the confusion.
She is more than muscle, bone, and meat,
for his delectation.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

More from this author

Comments

14 years 3 months ago

Shirl

I like the title not sure about the poem.

Thank you for reading.

Love Lou

M

14 years 3 months ago

Love the feeling

Lou this is really good and kind of like I feel right about now with pain of body

this part standing out for me here:

Let me disabuse you of your misunderstanding,
relieve your confusion.
I’m not a piece of meat.

I like the choice of words..Let me disabuse you of your misunderstandings. etc

Great write nothing to correct or crit. Just good work here

I am glad you did not say Meatballs LMAO

Regards
Mona
xox

14 years 3 months ago

Mona

Thank you no balls I'm a girl lmao

Love Lou

14 years 3 months ago

Jayne

Thanks,

I've taken a look at the last line, what do you think?

Love Lou

14 years 3 months ago

this is

This is a very hard stand. nice work

14 years 3 months ago

Randy

Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.

Love Lou

Z

14 years 3 months ago

hi louise

a strong write here, what brought these thoughts
to the page, interesting write ,,,,,,,,zigs

14 years 3 months ago

Zigs

This one was inspired by a boy friend's attitude. Makes me feel like I shouldn't have feelings.

Glad you enjoyed it.

Louise Xx

14 years 3 months ago

Hi Lou

It never ceases to amaze me, that even in the 21st centruy our species is still filled with idiots who think other souls are nothing more than playthings and tools.
This is a good write, powerful and filled with a certain dignity that I really like a lot. I enjoy the way you have encapulated the whole thing in one single breath, and then seem to begin another for the last verse, that's quite unique, To me.
I agree with Jayne; I like what you've done with the last stanza, but using "I am" instead of the contraction would give it way more impact.

14 years 3 months ago

Jim

thank you for reading and your suggestion, I have made a few changes, I think it works a little better now.

love lou

S

14 years 3 months ago

hello

you have captured the essence of how it must feel to be considered a mere sex object...................stan

14 years 3 months ago

Hi

Stan i'm really glad that you think so.

Love Lou

14 years ago

Lou!

I could tell it was a cathartic write! Liked the layout and how you've juxtaposed the different HE/SHE verses for effect. Unlike Mona, I didn't particularly like the choice of the word 'disabuse'
Just seemed too contrived and therein lost some of the strength of the message!
As for the rest... Keep 'em coming!
Cheers
Boni

14 years ago

Boni

I have never been comfortable with the word disabuse,i will give it some thought.

Thank you

Lou

14 years ago

Ian

Thank you for the read, as I said to Boni, I'll give it some thought

Lou