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Sep 06, 2024
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Meeting Destiny
Logs crossed to meet
their fiery destiny.
Twigs added
to aid the match.
Failing, the logs
are bathed in fluid
to make their future
come in the form of light
and the scent of smoke.
People ring the bonfire
with marshmallows
on metallic sticks to be wed
with chocolate and
graham crackers.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
9 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Meeting Destiny" effectively uses imagery and metaphor to depict a bonfire scene. However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphor and symbolism. For instance, the logs' "fiery destiny" is a strong metaphor, but it's not clear how this relates to the marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers. If these items are meant to symbolize something, it may help to make this more explicit.
Secondly, the poem's rhythm and meter could be more consistent. The lines vary in length and rhythmic pattern, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Experimenting with syllable count and stress patterns could help to create a more rhythmic and engaging poem.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a clearer narrative or thematic progression. The poem begins with the preparation of a bonfire, but it's not clear how this leads to the final image of people roasting marshmallows. Providing more connective tissue between these images could help to create a more cohesive and engaging narrative.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively uses imagery and metaphor, it could be improved by a more consistent use of metaphor, a more rhythmic structure, and a clearer narrative progression.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
9 months 2 weeks ago
Hello Punky,
your poem is a delicious entry. I enjoyed it! good luck on the contest!
*hugs, Cat
Punkyfrewster
9 months 2 weeks ago
Cat,
Thank you so much!