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sueb
sueb
Jan 23, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Memories

Memories form a cascade of magical treats
pooling as years around our feet
each one in danger of drowning in the mundane
secreted somewhere deep in our brain
fading in time
written in rhyme
hidden 'til we stop to reminisce
our little gems of happiness
treasure them always
there the good old days
remembrance of times past
a joy that lasts and lasts

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Ireland, IRL

More from this author

Comments

sueb

sueb

12 years 6 months ago

ah thanks a mil glad you

ah thanks a mil glad you enjoyed this little one look forward to yours tomorrow cheers sue x

Seren

Seren

12 years 6 months ago

Dear Sue

I really liked this one but the end line for me felt stilted it lost its flow maybe you could say

remembrance of times past
a joy that lasts and lasts

and a joy that forever lasts

just one way you could take that line ... like Eph my favourite line was the pooling of years around our feet its a lovely line your certainly growing as a poet

Jayne-Chloe xxx

Seren

Seren

12 years 6 months ago

Sue

I had a look for your Judas Kiss poem but cant seem to find it am I going blind ?

or is it not posted ? LOL

Jayne-Chloe xxx

sueb

sueb

12 years 6 months ago

Hi Jc no I haven't posted its

Hi Jc no I haven't posted its not great I just remembered that I had written one with that title but I'll put it up and everyone can hop on it lol cheers sueb x

BettyBuff

BettyBuff

12 years 6 months ago

Hi SueB!/Loved

This line...'a cascade of magical treats pooling as years around our feet'...great line!

Ells x