Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jan 14, 2024
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
MEN AND HYENAS
Sometimes I wish I was a hyena
Running free through the woods
And laughing my head off every night
At the absurdity of all of this
God, how wonderful would it be
To drink from the streams and lie in the grass
To feel the breeze in my hair at night and howl
Under a million stars
But somehow I know this is all fantasy
Not the being a hyena part
But the part about freedom
For in this world
Not even the hyenas are free
The world is getting smaller and smaller
And there's less of everything good to be had
Less joy, less peace, and yes, less freedom
Not even the hyenas are free
The nights are becoming longer and lonelier
Colder too, and heavy with silence
It seems to me there are less stars in the sky
And they aren't as shiny as they used to be
Sometimes I wish I was a hyena
At least I could still laugh at this world
This cold and joyless world
Where there is less and less humor to be found
Anyway, let me get back inside
These stars will still be up tomorrow niggt
They'll be dimmer and fewer in number
But I take comfort in knowing that
Not even the hyenas are free
A. SWANTALALA
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Forgive me for the length. I can't seem to be able to condense everything into a few short stanzas, that's just how I write and I'd hate to change it. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 year 5 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
It is not feasible to offer feedback on this poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Sen99
1 year 5 months ago
Hello Trial
A well crafted thought provoking piece
I really enjoyed this poem, taking an animal metaphor for a human trait
The last 3 stanzas have a melancholy which is gives the piece an evocative ending.
Thanks for the share
Sen
Trail
1 year 5 months ago
Thanks Sen
I'm glad you enjoyed reading my poem Sen. Thanks for leaving the review
Leslie
1 year 5 months ago
Men and Hyenas
Hey Trial,
I thought the metaphor was great. I never had looked at hyenas
with such grace. As I suppose you must know something about them
Leslie
1 year 5 months ago
Men and Hyenas
Hey Trial,
I thought the metaphor was great. I never had looked at hyenas
with such grace. As I suppose you must know something about them
Trail
1 year 5 months ago
Leslie
I was raised in rural Africa, so I can hear the hyenas laughing every night. Got me doing some thinking.
Anyways, I'm glad to hear you're doing great. Stay blessed
Candlewitch
1 year 5 months ago
Dear Trail,
I like your poem even if it makes me sad... the environment is changing for the worse because of worldly greed. my favorite lines are:
God, how wonderful would it be
To drink from the streams and lie in the grass
To feel the breeze in my hair at night and howl
Under a million stars
Good work! Cat
Trail
1 year 5 months ago
Hey Candlewitch
Our natural world is dying, and I think most of us who are saddened by it. I'm glad my poem spoke to you in this way. Thank you
Leslie
1 year 5 months ago
MEN AND HYENAS
That was a wonderful poem, so very, very peaceful at it's core!