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MERMAID"S LESSON
I'm a little mermaid swimming in the sea
my hair is long,my bosom full I'm pretty as can be
anytime a sailor sees me he wants me for his wife
but I just laugh and swim away to live my care-free life
My skin is soft my scales are bright
they shine and glow in bright sun light
perhaps my favorite feature is my fulsome tail
which allows a speedy swim without any fail
In the great wide ocean there's little that I fear
but even I am careful to not let killer whales come near
imagine my surprise one day while eating abalone
a pod of them had gotten close to little tasty me!
So I took off like a shot and swam with all my might
no matter how I flipped my tail they always stayed in sight
as I tired the fastest one began to gain on me
to lose him in a kelp forest the only hope I see
'Fore I got there a burst of speed was put on by the whale
he got near enough to bite and eat a small bit of my tail !
rather than swim on I turned around and snapped at him instead
a foolish move 'cause he caught up and then bit off my head
So listen now to my advice and take it without fail
be careful not to lose your head over a piece tail
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Comments
judyanne
14 years 8 months ago
excellent punchline stan
'great scribble scribbler - what more can i say?
love judy
xxxx
still laughing...........
lou
14 years 8 months ago
Hey Stan
Great to see one of your poems again. A lovely poem.
Love Lou
scribbler
14 years 8 months ago
lesson
thanks lou. good to be back.......stan
scribbler
14 years 8 months ago
lesson
WISDOM!?! lol. Good to be able to bore ya'll again....stan
scribbler
14 years 8 months ago
lesson
hi xena ,so good to see you again.I agree some are a bit long , but you know me I never consider a work finished......stan
Nordic cloud
14 years 8 months ago
Oh I laughed out loud at this
Oh I laughed out loud at this one Scribbler,
you are also having fun with poetry like my Rats and Bats,
lovely this, with a bit of craziness and adventurous fantasy.
I am sure your would make a fine merman.
Rosina has a point!
Great fun Stan love from Ann.
scribbler
14 years 8 months ago
lesson
I'm glad you got a laugh out of this, and be assured it will be reworked at some point......scribbler