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Dec 21, 2025
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Messy love
To neeta Jay
Be afraid be very afraid
My love is human
Evil gross in my assumptions
Inside full of potions
Mindstate different in every moment
I'm bogus my thoughts loathsome
Flying wild like locust
Ready to devour it's host
One minute foe while I'm in it to grow
My diminished soul exposed like a rose
In a winter storm surviving off the bitterness pro
Dominoes are my memories
I could contemplate for centuries
And still not escape with a remedy
My rage diallates with the time it takes
My so righteous aches when someone goes
And violates my code
What I consider you've gone to far
I'll go to war with the cards the deck
Suspect fate too late to repent
This whole damn time I thought I was heaven sent
But even angels thought to be fables can bend
And turn dark my heart so on fire it's no longer a heart it's a burn mark
My nervous system caught in a rhythm
I dance in a cage my life's sand in a lake
Being slowly set ablaze
Still I'm amazed
At every star I see
The landscape even the shadows in the rain
When the wind blows insane
Reminding me of the storm I face inside every day
The reflection in the mirror will change
If I'm in the mood to celebrate
And smile it can elevate
What a handsome mirage I chase
Perfection dementia this chapter of games
I play growth is the same
I move forward just to be captured in chains
To break free like a rose rising in the dirt
Still trapped in the earth
Is like the smile on my face
Dear neeta I embrace
This tension between us is something right
We come together then separate
My great parade love the way your lips taste
Follow the blood
breast enlarged when my lips taste your nipples
It's so simple
follow the blood
Hands caress your hips your ass
The wet spot
follow the blood
Pussy so alive by the time I get inside
Your Whole body on fire like mine
Two flames aligned
circuitry this is an emergency
Have to revive my heart inside
Me and you were sharing circuits now
Heat passion hearts beating in time
Follow the blood
We're both so alive
Sharing circuits now one being electric healing
So blissful in the feelings
But a monster hides
I wanna pull your hair be mean say rude things
That I might mean
Strike lightning mixed with cold frost
Logic tossed with toxic hard
And it's sharp you bitch I'm mad and want you to feel it
Ready to bust when you moan you can take it
The good love and the complicated tug
Towards true chaos
Follow the blood
Out you moan when I thrust
Some engine we've become
The steam some dreams are beyond imagining
Does passion think
Thinking I don't know
Even as I sink
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a raw and intense exploration of love’s complexity, blending vulnerability, desire, and inner turmoil. The speaker’s voice is candid and unfiltered, which creates an intimate atmosphere but also challenges the reader to navigate the emotional chaos.
Strengths: - The poem’s imagery is vivid and visceral, especially in the physical and emotional descriptions (“My diminished soul exposed like a rose / In a winter storm,” “Two flames aligned / circuitry this is an emergency”). - The recurring motif “follow the blood” effectively ties together the themes of passion, life force, and perhaps pain or struggle. - There is a compelling tension between tenderness and aggression, which reflects the messiness of real relationships.
Areas for improvement: 1. **Structure and Punctuation:** The poem’s lack of punctuation and irregular line breaks can make it difficult to follow. Introducing strategic punctuation or clearer stanza divisions could help guide the reader through shifts in tone and imagery, enhancing comprehension without sacrificing the poem’s rawness.
2. **Consistency in Tone and Language:** The poem oscillates between poetic metaphor and blunt, explicit language. While this contrast can be powerful, some transitions feel abrupt. Consider smoothing these shifts or using them more deliberately to heighten impact.
3. **Clarity and Focus:** Some lines and images are dense or ambiguous (“My rage diallates with the time it takes,” “Perfection dementia this chapter of games”). Clarifying or refining these could strengthen the poem’s emotional resonance and thematic coherence.
4. **Repetitions and Word Choice:** The phrase “follow the blood” is repeated frequently, which can be effective as a refrain but may lose potency if overused. Evaluating each repetition’s purpose and possibly varying the language could maintain its significance.
5. **Spelling and Word Usage:** There are a few misspellings or unusual word choices (“diallates” likely intended as “dilates,” “breast enlarged when my lips taste your nipples” could be rephrased for clarity and flow). Careful proofreading would improve readability and polish.
Overall, the poem’s strength lies in its emotional honesty and vivid imagery. With attention to structure, clarity, and language precision, the poem could more powerfully convey the tumultuous nature of “messy love.”
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