Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jul 22, 2017
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Midnight Ragtime
Kissing the river is a blessing.
The river knows our dreams
root in chloroform,
and that only fools
never
say
die
A piano spell rings
The river has no rings bejeweled
Kissing the river is the only sacrament
that requires full lung capacity,
and a taste for dreamtime.
A piano spell rings
I’d tell you more,
but inside,
the dogs are
going crazy.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
riotface97
7 years 11 months ago
Absolutely loved the "root in chloroform" line...
Hi Fink555,
I found this piece to be really refreshing. I'm guilty of having composed a fair amount of flowery, trite crap myself in the past and I really liked how you avoided this with that seemingly personal, unique touch evident in the persona. In that vein, I'd re-work the "only fools never say die" section as it seemed to detract from that a little. Was fond of the ending as well. The whole thing just has this character to it that I find quite alluring. Thanks for the read, and I'll definitely keep an eye out on the stream for your future poetry.
Nicholas.
fink555
7 years 11 months ago
Thannkkk you
Nicholas