Miss XX Mr XY

Her poem:
I curse the shaft of Eros
Which has penetrated
Through the depth
Of my heart

Time spent kissing
The throat of my lover
Is wasted on Absence
The true God of Lovers

His poem:
I console the pain
In my soul with yet more pain
Reminding myself
That is the High One's
Dominion

My body is the realm
Of my beloved
The planet created
That love might be born

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: The Celestial River

Favorite Poets: Shane MacGowan, Dylan Thomas, Qays ibn Al-Mulawwah, Wallada bint al-Mustakfi, Rumi, Khalil Gibran, Yona Wallach, Arthur Rimbaud, Paul Eluard, Brendan Behan, James Clarence Mangan, William Blake, Tom Waits, Charles Bukowski, Forough Farrokhzad, Thomas Chatterton

Comments

neopoet

3 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI - version 2.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Both poems delve into the complexities of love and relationships, each offering a unique perspective on the subject. In "Miss XX's" poem, the imagery of Eros and Absence adds depth to the portrayal of love as both a source of joy and pain. The use of strong, evocative language like "curse" and "penetrated" effectively conveys the intensity of emotions involved. However, there could be an opportunity to further develop the themes introduced, providing more context or exploring the consequences of these feelings.

In contrast, "Mr XY's" poem takes a more introspective approach, focusing on the internal struggles and reflections of the speaker. The metaphor of the body as the realm of the beloved is a powerful image that highlights the interconnectedness of love and self-identity. To enhance the impact of the poem, consider expanding on the idea of pain as a means of coping and delve deeper into the complexities of this coping mechanism.

Overall, both poems show promise in their exploration

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

3 months 1 week ago

Dear John,

I am so very glad to see you posting poems again! This one deserves a title... it is great to read what each one had written in their hearts! I hope you are well. Happy Spring!

much love, Cat

Dalton

3 months 1 week ago

Hi

Thanks my dearest Cat I'm quite attached to this poem glad you like and it's nice to be in contact with you again I'm rotten at naming my verses maybe you could suggest something you feel apposite be well love John xxx