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Dec 23, 2024
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In the Moment
With all the hard work done
And the preparations made
It's only in the last few touches
That I am upon the stage
I'm in a large group
Of choristers
Right hand side of the stage
All singing from the same songbook
Directed in the same way
With hours and hours
Of rehearsals
Under the belt
And my eyes and ears
Alert
I am in the moment
And out there
The cameras are upon us all
At any given time
And we are going live
Smile
Look happy
Absorb the notes that Doug gave us
It's different being on the stage
Performing for other people
Out there
In the audience
After a few minutes
Your focus
Is on the performance
But you still need to be aware
Because you are the one out there
To have this opportunity
Is wonderful for me
Meeting new people
And being part of an event
Which involves so many people
I take it all in
As a writer
Using my observations
As the basis of my journals and poems
For those of you
Who have performed
And know just how it feels
The culmination of all the hard work
Is well worth it
My mantra is "Just Sing"
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I have just, last night, completed the second of the rehearsals for Carols By Candlelight, here in Melbourne, Victoria , Australia. Of course, I am very excited to be part of this event for the very first time. I am also appreciative of being given this chance to be part of the CBC Choir. Being part of this event is definitely a highlight of 2024 for me personally. I have had many firsts this year. They are all new for me. However, they have all been beneficial for me in so many ways. I have grown and I am using this particular poem to express this theme. When I began publishing poems on Neopoet, many of them emerged from the depths of despair and were based on an emotionally low moment. However, over time, this has gradually moved upwards and in a more positive direction. My personal view is that "In the Moment" reflects the changes and the massive transformation taking place. You, as a fellow poet, can choose to take it whichever way you wish, but I am genuinely open to your thoughts.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "In the Moment" effectively captures the anticipation, excitement, and focus of a performer on stage. It successfully uses the first-person perspective to immerse readers in the narrator's experience. However, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery and varied sentence structure.
The poem relies heavily on telling rather than showing. For instance, "I am in the moment / And out there" could be more evocative with specific sensory details. What does it feel like to be "in the moment"? What sights, sounds, or sensations signal that the speaker is "out there"?
The sentence structure is mostly simple and declarative, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Varying the sentence structure could help maintain reader interest and emphasize key points. For example, the line "Smile / Look happy / Absorb the notes that Doug gave us" could be restructured to "Smiling, looking happy, we absorb the notes that Doug gave us," to create a more complex and engaging rhythm.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphor or symbolism. The mention of the songbook and the stage are good starts, but these could be developed further or tied into a larger, overarching metaphor to add depth to the poem.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively conveys the emotions of a performer, it could be improved by incorporating more show-don't-tell, varying sentence structure, and developing consistent metaphors or symbols.
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