Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Jun 04, 2017
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
A Moment in Time
Only moments and he will be here,
must collect my thoughts.
Legs weak, can't stand;
empty feeling in stomach,
knots in kidneys.
Breast heaving,
must take slow breaths.
Heart aflutter,
such pain!
But oh what joy,
he is here...
I will soon see his face.
What was that?
The door?
He is here.
Dear God in heaven give me strength!
He hasn't changed.
He has not changed!
Still my Frederick,
but no.
Not my Frederick!
What's that?
Oh, a chair,
I'm holding on to a chair.
He can't see,
he must not see!
He is going now.
We talked.
What did I say?
No matter,
its over,
I've seen him and it did not hurt.
Did not hurt?
But its over,
I'll be better next time.
Maybe I'll even remember what I say!
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
jane210660
8 years 1 month ago
The feeling
in this is palpable.
Is the inspiration for this from Persuasion and is it Captain Frederick Wentworth? In which case, these would be Anne's words.
A powerful piece and has just caught that utter turmoil when someone you love walks in the room.
Jx
Keith Logan
8 years 1 month ago
Well observed
It is the scene where he is visiting the Musgrove family and the sisters visit Anne and Mary, who is tending a wounded child (he fell from a tree). Mary has no hesitation in abandoning her motherly duties to Anne.
wesley snow
8 years 1 month ago
The imagery is clear.
But it went over my head.
Keith Logan
8 years 1 month ago
Sorry to hear that
I thought what was written could stand alone without further explanation. I failed. Sorry.
jane210660
8 years 1 month ago
No, I think it holds Keith.
No, I think it holds Keith. You don't have to get the connection to understand the poem.
Jx
scribbler
8 years 1 month ago
Hi
I really like the way the near vertical form of this reinforces the emotions..........stan
Keith Logan
8 years 1 month ago
Thank you
that was a deliberate attempt to impart a feeling of haste in the reader, therefor driving the emotions.