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Mar 19, 2025
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A Moment in Time
Quite by accident
while on the laptop
a photograph,
a memory of a moment in time in 2017
was shown.
What a surprise!
A photo of Shaya
at the now closed
Shakahari Carlton
together with three
of the A Team.
I did not expect
this to come up on the screen
and I grabbed it,
saved it
and made it a screen background.
Any photos I can get
I take.
It's a gift.
Looking at it,
our favourite get together,
on his birthday,
and he looked so happy
in it.
He even cracked a smile.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Very unexpectedly, while I was on my laptop, this image emerged, from the past. It was a miracle find for me. A partial group photo of my family, minus one member ( I do not know what happened), but a present for me. I have very few group photos, and I lost one , which was my favourite of the six of us together at another restaurant. So, I will take this with both hands and use it as background on my computer screen. I have backed it up on a usb as well. I love it, because Shaya is actually glowing with happiness in it.
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "A Moment in Time" captures a nostalgic and sentimental moment through the discovery of a photograph from 2017. The imagery of unexpectedly stumbling upon the photo on a laptop and the emotions evoked by seeing Shaya and the A Team at Shakahari Carlton are vivid. The poem effectively conveys the joy and significance of preserving memories through photographs.
One suggestion for improvement could be to delve deeper into the emotions and reflections prompted by the photograph. Exploring the significance of the moment, the impact of seeing Shaya's happiness captured in the image, and the nostalgia associated with favorite get-togethers could enhance the emotional resonance of the poem.
Additionally, considering varying the structure or rhythm of the poem could add a layer of complexity and engagement for the reader. Experimenting with line breaks, stanza lengths, or incorporating poetic devices like metaphors or similes may further enrich the poem's impact.
Overall, "A Moment in Time" effectively captures a poignant memory and sentimentality through the
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
3 months 3 weeks ago
Do you...
believe that there is a reason for this twist of fate? to somehow let you know that he's fine. Maybe, I certainly don't profess to know; but I sense that here. Like certain kinds of butterflies being attracted to people. Awww, just made me feel that way.
~ Geez.
.
The Gogetter
3 months 3 weeks ago
Funny about that comment
I was thinking the very same thing when I captured this photo, which was taken at least two years before he died, but it is one of those restaurants that he made his special go to on his birthday. It was the best place in Melbourne for satay- totally vegetarian , which was good for Sarah, and Faye liked the way the satay was made. Also, I could eat the satay there, because it wasn't spicy. It suited everyone in the family. I really do not know where Charles went. Maybe he is the one behind the camera. We continued to go to that restaurant after he died, to celebrate his birthday, until the place closed down. Now, we go to a Japanese style restaurant walking distance from Sarah and Boris' place. This is our tradition, which we maintain. Nice thought though Geezer. I know that he is always with us.