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Sep 01, 2024
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Mom's Instructions 2024
Stop! pay attention
Turn off your phones and ipads
Listen to others
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
10 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Mom's Instructions 2024" is a haiku, a form of traditional Japanese poetry. The structure of the haiku is adhered to, with a 5-7-5 syllable count across three lines.
The poem effectively communicates a clear and concise message about the importance of disconnecting from technology and engaging with others. The use of imperatives ("Stop!", "Turn off", "Listen") creates a commanding tone, which is appropriate given the title and context.
However, the poem could benefit from the use of more evocative and descriptive language to create a more vivid image or emotion in the reader's mind. For instance, instead of the generic "Listen to others", the poet could specify who the "others" are or what they might be saying or doing. This could add a layer of depth and specificity to the poem.
Additionally, the poem could explore the implications or consequences of not following these instructions. This could add a sense of urgency or importance to the poem's message.
Lastly, the title "Mom's Instructions 2024" suggests a futuristic or speculative element, but this is not reflected in the poem itself. The poet might consider incorporating elements that reflect this future setting, or reconsider the title to more accurately represent the poem's content.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
10 months 1 week ago
Another...
great Haiku from the man. Nice job, Clentin.
~ Geez.
.
Clentin
10 months 1 week ago
Thank you, just a thought
Thank you, just a thought about what takes plAce tiday!
Unca Fez
10 months 1 week ago
Seems Obvious...
It seems obvious that they aren't listening. Especially about turning off phones and iPads. Good job!
Clentin
10 months 1 week ago
Thank you.
Thank you.