Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Mom's Instructions 2024

Stop! pay attention
Turn off your phones and ipads
Listen to others

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

10 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Mom's Instructions 2024" is a haiku, a form of traditional Japanese poetry. The structure of the haiku is adhered to, with a 5-7-5 syllable count across three lines.

The poem effectively communicates a clear and concise message about the importance of disconnecting from technology and engaging with others. The use of imperatives ("Stop!", "Turn off", "Listen") creates a commanding tone, which is appropriate given the title and context.

However, the poem could benefit from the use of more evocative and descriptive language to create a more vivid image or emotion in the reader's mind. For instance, instead of the generic "Listen to others", the poet could specify who the "others" are or what they might be saying or doing. This could add a layer of depth and specificity to the poem.

Additionally, the poem could explore the implications or consequences of not following these instructions. This could add a sense of urgency or importance to the poem's message.

Lastly, the title "Mom's Instructions 2024" suggests a futuristic or speculative element, but this is not reflected in the poem itself. The poet might consider incorporating elements that reflect this future setting, or reconsider the title to more accurately represent the poem's content.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Geezer

10 months 1 week ago

Another...

great Haiku from the man. Nice job, Clentin.
~ Geez.
.

Unca Fez

Unca Fez

10 months 1 week ago

Seems Obvious...

It seems obvious that they aren't listening. Especially about turning off phones and iPads. Good job!