scribbler

Apr 11, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

MOON OVER CAROLINA (May humor contest)

On this clear spring afternoon
from my deck off toward the east
I spy a Carolina moon
as pale as sourdough bread yeast

The sky is shared by setting sun
although the sun is in the west
moonrise to east has just begun
as white as any virgin's breast

That moon above a flower bed
just before it's time to sup
leads me to yell at neighbor,"Fred!
Be kind and pull your short pants up!"

*don't blame Me, Barb inspired me with Her moon poem lol

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

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Comments

Starlight

13 years 3 months ago

Hello

i do love the moon!! wonderful imagery and rhythm.

scribbler

13 years 3 months ago

Hi Tiah

Don't think you'd much care for Fred's pale moon lol...........stan

Tommi Cordial

13 years 3 months ago

Nice write

The sky is shared by setting sun
although the sun is in the west
moonrise to east has just begun
as white as any virgin's breast

are the lines that lead me through this setting sun and rising moon. It takes me to pleasant place in my past.
thank you

Sparrow

10 years 2 months ago

Lovely to see you here, and I hope that not only will you comment on the poems, but you will put some of your works here.
Where have you been it's been three years since we read any of your words, take care and enjoy, Yours, Ian..

scribbler

13 years 3 months ago

Hi Tommi

Always happy when something of mine carries folk to a pleasant memory. ...........stan

Rula

10 years 2 months ago

I can remember this one Stan

from the Refuge days and still can't find the appropriate comment.
"No comment needed you said", remember?

scribbler

10 years 2 months ago

Hi Rula

If recalled from that far back it must be at least OK lol. and I Do remember the no comment needed exchange......at least vaguely............stan

raj

10 years 2 months ago

Good rhyme which is your

Good rhyme which is your forte but in my opinion the humor could have been better..

not sure ii virgin breast can be compared with moon rise even w.r.t. color...

scribbler

10 years 2 months ago

It appears

that the double meaning for "moon " isn't coming across. Around here when somebody drops their pants and bends over it's called mooning someone..........stan

judyanne

10 years 2 months ago

lol Stan

Here we have the major problem with jokes - they are culturally orientated as a general rule....

I love this - and coming from the same language ideological discourse as you (lol) I got the funny without the need of the explanation...

My only comment would be that I would've attempted to make the neighbour' moon rising in the west - and called the write 'bad moon on the rise' -- lol

Love judy
xxx

scribbler

10 years 2 months ago

Bad Moon

LOL. A nice feminine moon Would have been better lol. as to the moon rising, you know I'm a stickler for details and the real moon always rises in the east just like the sun..........stan