Triskelion

Feb 04, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Moon Tide

aboard the lunar craving tide
we, floating on an ocean wide
perceived a mist that lingered there
and mysticism we would share
as soundless as the fathoms where you hide

to us, in each, we soon confide
two secrets long ago that died
two perils, baring when and where
à bord de la marée lunaire

we kissed, we laid, we laughed, we cried
we watched the mystic mist subside
The sun peeked o'er the night's affair
and warmed the strand we conquered, bare
I dwell these days where we reside
à bord de la marée lunaire

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Another try at a rondeau poem...looks like, as others, I needed to break some rules to maintain the theme and logic. A truly challenging form. I'll probably obsess over it for weeks now..lol. How did you like the bit of French thrown in there? Edit: changed S1L5

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Lake Simcoe Canada

Favorite Poets: Poe, Frost, E.B. Browning, Theodor Seuss Geisel,

Comments

Candlewitch

5 months 2 weeks ago

Dear Thomas,

I find your poem enchanting! Astrologically, my Moon is in Cancer (which is a water sign) and I am crazy about the moon and how the tides pull have such great effect on our lives. my favorite lines are:

I loved the repeated line and your way with words. (you are a true wordsmith!)

wishing you unicorns and moonbeams, Cat

Triskelion

5 months 1 week ago

Hi Cat!

...I was hoping you would like this one. I know you enjoy mystique and magick. I enjoyed the recent waxing crescent lately as it appeared as a dish, being mostly lit from the bottom. It seems somewhat rare this way. Still waiting for a clear, cold night when it appears full with a halo.
Thanks for reading and enjoying, Cat!

Thomas

Lavender

5 months 2 weeks ago

Moon Tide

Oui, oui! A sense of fantasy and romance. Dreamlike. Beautiful language throughout, and the touch of French is tender. Love this form for themes like this.
Thank you, Thomas!
L
S3L3 uppercase T is a typo?

Triskelion

5 months 1 week ago

Oui, oui...

...I figured since it's a French form, I would honour it with its parent language. I know the refrain is out of synch with the contemporary style of 4 syllables, but c'est la vie, we say. S1L5 is again 10 syllables in this one but y'know, I kind of like it like that.
Yes, the capital T was a third thumb. Thanks for that. It's also not a rough draft...

Thank you for reading and commenting, Lavender!

Thomas

Ruby Lord

5 months 2 weeks ago

Hi Thomas, I love the way you

Hi Thomas, I love the way you have embraced the Rondeau and your current obsession. You have done another fabulous job with this poem. Your stanzas and refrain tie everything together.

Your first stanza, I tripped a little bit with the line
"as soundless as the fathoms you would hide"
Perhaps "As silent as the depths that seek to hide?" would smooth the flow?
Who doesn't love a french accent ha ha?
Ruby xx

Triskelion

5 months 1 week ago

Thanks, Ruby!

I did change that line to make it more readable. I'm glad you pointed that out. I did play with the word "silent", but went with soundless because of its (rounder?) sound.
I actually begin to like this form and maybe I can sharpen my skill as I write more...for now, let's say it's a "nondeau" lol
It is a French form after all, so why not a little thrown in it?
The first one I read from you really inspired me to try it, so thanks for that as well, Ruby

Cheers!
Thomas

Ruby Lord

5 months 1 week ago

Thank you Thomas, I like the

Thank you Thomas, I like the Rondeau format too. It's shortness and interrupted rhyming scheme is appealing. My cat one I was really proud of and my sock one, not a strict Rondeau, was more of an experiment. I would like to try adding different languages to my poetry but I only know bad language :) Ruby xx