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Oct 26, 2021
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Morning Walk
After the storm, the field is not the same.
The water has washed away the whole world
and the earth is dampened.
The scent of mud covers our noses,
filling our eyes with yellow colours.
With the rain come the secrets.
With the rain dissolve the dreams.
And with the rain, we get lost in the secrets of our dreams.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Geezer
3 years 8 months ago
Although assuming...
often leads to misinterpretation, I am going to assume that you are not speaking of a real storm. The color yellow and the secrets uncovered are just metaphors. Is the color yellow, the color of an oppressor? Maybe just a little more of a clue as to the antagonist? Good poem otherwise! ~ Geezer.
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Obadiah Grey
3 years 8 months ago
Hiya, Arjiris, (think thats
Hiya, Arjiris, (think thats right)
I like that your piece is a snap shot of the moment, and, its kind of uplifting!
The brevity is refreshing, and the fact that you never refer to yourself with an "I" is impressive.
Obi.
arjiris.f.
3 years 8 months ago
Thank you very much!
Thank you very much!