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Mortician's Kiss Goodbye Primal WS
I'm not coming back
no more vain rebellions
hello to nothing
from the minister of nothing
no ones home but shapeless shadows
cutting across mysteries
of multiple worlds
an empty head
so patient
ghost moon
my legs aren't tired anymore
here in the undergrowth
of slugs slides and slime
whispering hymns needle green
buoyant belly on the rings of night
libation of death
apprehending the void
dissolving doom broadens to immensity
like a light flicks on
wonder wave
no death for the dead
they could care less
nearby in endlessness
stretched out on a couch
spumed mouth
papyrus frail
creature of black steps
waking will not rise flame feathers
where I lived and was broken
noon day demons lost
I dangle from a nightingale floor
burning hair wings flutterless
linking one self with the other
like night with day
wind and dreams
falling lulls weave me together
like a thorne bridge weaves fate
hand over red hand
mind of winter
now I inhabit you
slain and shaken
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
themoonman
5 years 12 months ago
Hi,
Couldn't leave without saying
how much I enjoyed reading
zebra
5 years 12 months ago
hi Moonman
Many thanks . Glad you enjoyed this poem ...very much appreciate your comment :)
weirdelf
5 years 12 months ago
I underestimated you on your reply to Marthlyn's poem.
You have clearly let go, wrote what you saw and connected with the imagery flow of the trance.
My apologies and congratulations.
zebra
5 years 12 months ago
Many thanks Jess....
Many thanks Jess.... Appreciated !
lonlyhrtsclub13
5 years 12 months ago
Incredible
I thoroughly enjoyed this read- I could feel every emotion and word. What a vision that must have been to feel what it was like to be dead.
zebra
5 years 12 months ago
Than you so much Really
Than you so much Really appreciate your wondaful comment :)
tyro
5 years 12 months ago
I very much like what you do
I very much like what you do with words and sonic combinations. The images are very powerful and kept my mind continually wondering. The associations held it all together for me.
Brovo.
zebra
5 years 12 months ago
Im delighted you like the
Im delighted you like the piece Thank you so very much Very appreciated :))))