A Moth Brushed Away

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Brushed Away" demonstrates a strong use of metaphor and imagery, which effectively communicates a sense of loss and disillusionment. The comparison of flaking wings to broken promises is particularly evocative, as is the image of a compass set to false stars. These metaphors help to convey a sense of misguided trust and unfulfilled expectations.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could potentially be improved. The phrase "starved with hunger" is somewhat redundant, as being starved typically implies a state of hunger. This redundancy detracts from the overall impact of the line. Consider revising this phrase to eliminate the redundancy and add more depth or nuance to the speaker's state of deprivation.

The transition from the second stanza to the third stanza is somewhat abrupt. The second stanza ends with a sense of longing and confusion, while the third stanza begins with a sudden shift to morning and a hushed silence. While this shift may be intentional, it could be beneficial to provide more of a bridge between these two contrasting moods to help guide the reader through the emotional arc of the poem.

The final line, "And you brushed me away," is a powerful conclusion that ties back to the title of the poem. However, it could be more impactful if there was more buildup to this moment. Consider expanding on the preceding lines to provide more context or emotional weight to this final rejection.

In terms of structure, the poem could benefit from more consistency. The first two stanzas each contain two lines, while the third stanza contains four lines, and the final stanza contains only one line. While varying stanza lengths can be used effectively for emphasis or dramatic effect, in this case, it may be more beneficial to maintain a consistent structure to create a more cohesive overall form.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Of what you mean by wings flaking. I don't understand the reference. I know it's supposed to be metaphor but for me, it is a big stretch. -Geez.
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I get it! Yes, the title made all the difference in the world. I can now see the whole thing as though I wrote it! Great adjustment!
~ Geez.
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I get it! and I think it is marvelous! I wish I had written it!

fondly xxx, Cat

Hello, Ruby,
I love the brevity in this - the independent thoughts connecting to that final line. The feeling it leaves is emptiness.
Thank you!
Lx